I am not the kind of person who likes highly competitive games. I like games that use your brain, like Scrabble or Boggle. Or games that give you as long as you need to make a decision, like many card games. I don’t like time crunches or games that make you stand up and think on your feet, like Charades. So imagine me as a freshman drama major playing Charades with drama majors. 

I wanted to be an actress and loved playing well-written characters with depth. Key words there: well-written. I liked scripts, not improvisation. Charades is a game of improvisation. It is true that people who like to be on stage often like to show off. So, a game of Charades among drama students could easily become a cutthroat environment where improvisation becomes intense competition. Definitely not my cup of tea! Add to that my youthful insecurity, an under-developed relationship with Christ and a freshman desire to be approved by the upper classmen and you have put me into a perfect storm of anxiety. We are talking about a game here, but if my life depended on it I would have been just as overwhelmed. 

I watched with wide-eyed dread as the other students took their turns. There was a lot of laughing and good- natured ribbing amongst the older students. Sarcasm and barbs flew across the room while the targets seemed to deflect the shots without any visible harm. My delicate sense of self was not prepared to repel sniping comments. I tried to take deep breaths as I prepared to step into the target zone. 

Looking back, they were actually more kind than I expected, but I was unaware at the time. I wanted so much to be impressive, to compete with their creativity, to be accepted. I don’t remember what my assignment was or how I tried to communicate it. What I do remember is how exposed and fragile I felt and how much I wanted them to like me. There is one comment from the group that I remember. “She’s hyperventilating!”, someone laughed. How embarrassing!

Although I went on to become a major player in that drama department, a big fish in a small pond for a short period of time, I was never able to win the respect of that particular group of students. Well, maybe I did, but they never let on.  They moved on or graduated before I really came into my own. I gradually developed more confidence. By the time I graduated college I had fully committed my life to Christ and my desire for acceptance morphed into a desire to become the best Christian I knew how to be. 

Initially, I studied people that I thought were good Christians and applied my acting knowledge in trying to imitate their behavior. I didn’t realize it at the time, but all my earnest efforts were really an attempt to earn the approval of my new Christian community and, ultimately, God’s approval. Slowly, I began to understand that God loves me as I am and that the people I was looking to for acceptance and approval were often more insecure than I was. It has taken many years to make strides past an approval-based approach to God. What began as an attempt to display the best Christian behavior has grown into a desire to continually develop Christ-like character. I am learning to truly receive God’s unconditional acceptance.

Dear friend, it’s often hard to believe that we don’t really need to work hard to prove ourselves to God. His desire is that we rest in knowing that we are loved and accepted by Him so that our efforts originate in contented love rather than an insecure need for acceptance. 

Are you absolutely resting contented in the arms of Your loving Father? Do you truly know just how deeply His love is for you? You are a beloved child. No acting required.  

Key thought: God loves me just as I am. 

A Scripture to consider: Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7

A YES challenge: Are there ways that you might look to people for your approval and acceptance? How can you grow in your understanding of God’s acceptance?

Prayer: Father, thank You for loving me just the way I am. Help me to look to You rather than anyone else to validate me. Help me to fully know that You love me just as I am. Amen.