I watched as he folded his six-foot frame down to toddler height so that he could look eye to eye with the agitated child. Her eyes lit up as he spoke to her and a huge smile spread across her face, erasing the petulance that had been there when he entered the room. I couldn’t hear the words he spoke and I don’t know what their relationship was, but it didn’t matter. I could see their effect. Such joy radiated from her face that the little girl could have illuminated an auditorium. She reached around his neck, kissing his bearded face as he scooped her up in his arms and resumed his full height. Suddenly, the child had a six-foot perspective on life and she was willing to go wherever he wanted to take her. As the giant man carried the tiny girl lovingly toward the door, I couldn’t help noticing what strength and humility it took for him to lower himself to her height and speak in a way that produced such an obviously joyful effect. He could much more easily have towered over her and used his powerful voice to command her to come with him, but his quietness and restraint were much more effective in reaching the child and gaining her trust and compliance. 

We live in a power-hungry society. Power is elevated and paid attention to. Gentleness and humility are ignored. The cycle will continue as long as children are taught through observation that this is the way to assert themselves, unless they are gifted with exemplary mentors like the man I described. A child taught me that.

I worked for a year as a cafeteria monitor in a middle school. Each monitor was assigned a particular area of the cafeteria and students were assigned tables so that each monitor had the same students eery day and could get to know them. That worked pretty well for me, except for sixth period lunch when I had the same rowdy bunch of sixth graders every day. One 13-year-old from a rough family had already grown into a towering man-sized child with a violent temper. He was scary to say the least! He attracted a group of much smaller students who wanted to be big and scary like him. They were loud-mouthed and disrespectful to everyone, adult and student alike. It was supposed to be my job to keep this unruly crowd under control. I had observed that many of the other monitors tried to control their students by screaming at them. That has never been my way and I didn’t want it to become my way. I spoke firmly and as respectfully as I could to these students when correction was necessary, but they often disregarded me. I tried to build a relationship with them to some extent and I would say that I did make some headway, but not a real connection. I made enough of a connection that, in an effort to explain their behavior, one of the most loud-mouthed girls told me that I should yell at them more. That comment revealed her understanding that yelling meant I really wanted them to pay attention. I am absolutely certain that if I had resorted to yelling their behavior would not have changed at all, so I didn’t change a thing. I knew that wouldn’t be good for them or for me. Although, they never complied as well as I would have liked and they pushed every boundary that was set for them, I would have to say that this group of students was probably more memorable than any other that I worked with that year. They kept me on my toes and made me work harder to rely on the Holy Spirit to produce godly responses in me.  With a few lapses in my composure, I was able to maintain firmness and a somewhat orderly area without yelling or trying to bully the students into doing what they were supposed to do.  It wasn’t easy, and, I’ll be honest, I was glad when June came, but the Holy Spirit really did help me!

Gentleness, as a quality of a spirit-controlled life, is often misunderstood. Someone who is considered gentle, may be viewed as weak or not able to handle conflict. This is so far from the truth. True gentleness enters into the conflict willingly and unselfishly, but with restraint, graciously and considerately. It does’t back down, yet doesn’t force it’s agenda. When the Holy Spirit produces the fruit of gentleness in us, then we are restrained and focused in a way that benefits those around us. We don’t come on strong. We don’t push our opinion. We simply keep moving forward working for the good of those we serve. Gentleness is an expression of humility, not weakness. It lifts up others and works on their behalf without exalting itself. Gentleness is sweet, but courageous. It does not shrink back, but does not push itself forward.  That’s a quality our society could use more of! Perhaps if those of us who believe would allow the Holy Spirit to produce this fruit in us children would have some worthy examples to follow!

Gentleness, or meekness, is strength under control. The man-sized student in the cafeteria had power and strength because of his build and his swagger, but he did not have control. His strength was expressed in intimidation by losing his temper. But, I’ve heard that there came a point a few years later when, as a young man, he came back to some of his teachers and apologized for his behavior and treatment of them. Same size and physical strength, but, in some ways, more powerful because of the humility required for him to apologize. He had learned to control his strength and was able to do good for others as a result.

Moses was described as the meekest man on the earth (Numbers 12:3) yet our image of him is as a great and powerful leader. Jesus is described as gentle and meek, yet He overturned the tables at the temple. Viewed in light of gentleness as a fruit of the Holy Spirit which Jesus would have displayed, this must have been a powerful and restrained scene, not a violent outburst of strong emotion overflowing without control. Jesus never lost control, but He felt anger at the unrighteous way His Father’s house was being treated. What if we imagined Him walking to each table and turning it with simple, passionate determination rather than wildly running at them and flipping  them? What if we imagined Him overturning the tables with just as much restraint as vehemence? What if that is the idea of gentleness that we need to have formed in our minds? A strength that acts for the benefit of God’s righteousness and honor, yet remains restrained and determined.

When I think of gentleness in that way, I need to ask myself if I am showing that kind of unselfishly restrained strength in my relationships. Does my life reflect the quality of a focused determination to act for God’s honor and other’s benefit with quiet resolve? I have to answer that in many cases the answer would be no. This is not my natural bent. I may be quieter than some others, but that doesn’t make me more gentle, just quieter. I need the Holy Spirit to produce this kind of fruit in me. The evidence of God’s Spirit at work in my life will fill me with a courage that acts with restraint and humility. I could use some more of that in my life. How about you?

Key thought: Gentleness is strength under control.

A Scripture to consider: Always be gentle with others. Philippians 4: 5 CEV

A YES challenge: How do you respond in times of conflict? Do you try to assert power through a raised voice or do you act for God”s honor and the benefit of others with focused determination? What do you need to change in your response so that you become more reliant on the Holy Spirit to produce gentleness in you?

Prayer: Father, I so lack in this quality of true gentleness. I want to be filled with the power that through quiet resolve works for Your honor and the benefit of others. Give me the courage to be humble and gentle in my relationships. Help me to rely on the Holy Spirit to produce the spirit of gentleness in me. Amen.