A light coating of snow makes everything more beautiful as she drives down colorfully lighted streets. The warmth of the scene contradicts the iciness of her heart. It may be Christmas joy around her, but inside it’s like the day of a loved one’s funeral. Heavy, cold, overwhelming sorrow. How can she even face the joyful smiles of the friends and coworkers who have no idea of her heartache? What can she do just to make it through a season that is supposed to be happy when she is overwhelmed with sadness? What can she do?

Perhaps that describes you or someone you love this season. Often the excitement and celebration of the holidays contrasts with what we really feel. We might feel guilty admitting that our burdens prompt us to avoid the joy and celebration. There is a feeling of “should”:

I should feel happy.

I should be over this.

I should do all the things I normally do, but I am having a hard time being motivated.

I should be rejoicing, but I just want to cry.

What do we do with all those shoulds?

First, be honest with yourself.Put the shoulds aside and look at what truly is. There is freedom in honesty. If you are disappointed because your family situation doesn’t fit the holiday images on television or social media, then admit your anger, confusion or disappointment. If your overwhelming financial challenges are putting a damper on the joy of giving gifts, then admit it. If you have been wandering through the fog of depression and can’t find your way out, it is okay to acknowledge what is reality. You may not be where you want to be or think you should be, but learning how to get through what you are going through starts with acknowledging where you are. When we focus on where we think we ought to be we can end up skipping over the reality of what is. Start with what is.

Then, be honest with God. It takes more faith to ask God my questions and be totally honest with Him than it does to stuff everything down and pretend that my sadness and confusion don’t exist. Quoting Scripture without acknowledging my struggle is not faith. It’s avoidance and denial. As a kid growing up it became my modusoperandito do what was expected of me so that I could stay out of trouble. Not because I loved what was right, but because I didn’t like getting yelled at or corrected. As I began to learn more about what following God looked like on the outside, I applied the same principle. I would always give the “right” answer, but there was no depth, no real faith involved. I stuffed my questions and confusion and zipped them up with Bible quotes and positive words that weren’t the true confessions of my heart.  I’ve learned that when I acknowledge my real struggles and still hold on to the promises of Scripture, then I am expressing true faith, Then my trust is that God will show Himself in my situation, even if it doesn’t go the way I want it to and even if He doesn’t resolve it in the here and now. Then my hope is set on things above and not things of the earth. (Colossians 3:1-2 )That is the faith that gets me through the darkest valley. It helps me to keep my focus on the treasures that won’t fade. (Matt.6:10-21)

Finally, be honest with someone you trust.  God has made us to need each other. You and I weren’t designed for solitary lives. Somehow, our culture has taught us that we should bear all our burdens alone. I know that’s what I believed. When I think back to a time before I had begun to rely on God, what I said most often was, “I should be able to handle my own problems.” It wasn’t until I admitted my inability, cried out to God, and shared my struggle with another person that my life began to change. It may be hard to take that step. You may have difficulty trusting anyone. Take the step and choose one person to trust. It only has to be one person. Choose carefully. Once you get past the initial anxious moments of revelation you will find there is a measure of release from simply not walking through it alone.

It’s been a long process of learning for me to be honest about how I feel and to share those feeling with God and someone else, but it has made a difference.The dark times don’t feel quite as dark. The burdens still exist, but don’t seem quite as heavy. God’s continual work in me is to take what I know to be true and plant it deep into my experience. That happens most effectively when I am in the midst of a time of trial. In times like that there is really only one thing to do: Be honest with God, ask my questions and hold on to what I know is true based on His unchanging Word. Sometimes, He answers my questions. Sometimes He doesn’t. But I’ve realized that being honest with God is often a greater expression of trust. Trust involves unknowing. It involves a hope, an expectation that my concerns, my fragile emotions, my future, will be treated with love and respect.

The reality is that life is hard. My life is hard. Your life is hard, too. But in the midst of that reality God wants to demonstrate His goodness to you and to me. Take heart, dear friend. The way you are feeling now will not last forever, but be honest about what is and know that you are not alone. We are in this together with Jesus. Jesus promised that in this world we will have trouble, but He also promised that He has overcome the world. (John 16:33)

Beloved, if you are in the middle of a dark valley during this season, I am so sorry. I know that it is difficult, but give yourself permission to be honest with yourself, with God and with someone you trust. Then find some promises from the Word to be your candle in the dark and just take one step at a time. Paul reminded the Romans that nothing can separate us from the love of God, even our greatest trials and struggles. (Romans 8:31-39) Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. (Psalms 30:5) I wish you the peace that comes from honest hope in the midst of your real struggle.

Key thought:Authentic hope starts with deep honesty.

A Scripture to consider: I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalms130:5

A YES Challenge: Does the thought of being honest about how really feel frighten you? Take some time with God. Ask Him to help you to be honest with yourself and with Him. Ask Him to show you one person you can trust and make a plan to share with them this week.

Prayer: Lord, sometimes life is so confusing and frustrating. There are so many things I can’t control and I don’t understand. Right now my feelings are overwhelming me and making it hard for me to enjoy the season the way that I want to. Help me to be completely honest with myself, with You and with someone else. Help me to find that candle in Your Word to lead me through this dark time. Help me to put all my hope in You and not a resolution to this struggle. Help me to bring my questions to You, knowing that You already have the answers and will reveal them to me at the right time and in the right way. I will choose to trust You and to hope in Your Word. Amen.