“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT
If you are a regular reader of my posts, forgive me while i depart from my regular routine. Normally, I talk to you, but today I want to talk to someone else: My Mom and Dad. On September 2, 2021 my mom and dad celebrated 60 years of marriage! Unfortunately, like many people in the Northeast they spent the day cleaning up from the deluge deposited on us by the remnants of Hurricane Ida, but that doesn’t minimize the importance of the day. 60 years! Such an accomplishment deserves some extra attention, don’t you think? So, if you’ll indulge me for a few minutes, I want to talk to Mom and Dad, to thank them for their example and share a few things I’ve learned from them. Maybe you’ll learn a few things, too.
Mom and Dad, as I often have said, I have the unique privilege of having celebrated every single one of your anniversaries with you. Being born one week before your very first anniversary makes me an anniversary gift, right? Of course, I don’t remember much about the early years, but I know I was there! Now that Tom and I are getting ready to celebrate 35 years of marriage, there are some observations I can make about your achievement. One thing I know after 35 years of experience is that you don’t get to 60 years of marriage without some bumps in the road. You don’t make it to 60 years without some moments when quitting seems like the best solution. You don’t feel close every moment for 60 years. So what has made the difference? How did you make it to 60 years and what can other married couples learn from you? Actually, what can anyone learn from you about how to make a relationship last?
Be friends who enjoy and other. As I observe your relationship with each other, it is clear to see that you are friends. You talk about the things that friends talk about. You enjoy each other’s company as much as you also appreciate your space apart from each other. You genuinely enjoy each other. Sure, you get on each other’s nerves sometimes,. That’s part of being human. But the smiles you share, the spontaneous dances, the good-natured teasing, the looking out for each other and helping each other, the working together — that is what friends do. Thanks for being friends with each other. That is one thing that has helped your relationship last for 60 years. 60 YEARS!
Little rituals make a big difference. I can’t say that I have noticed all of them but, I know that you have some little rituals that are part of your daily and weekly routines. I don’t know when and how they have developed, and maybe you don’t either, but these little rituals have gone a long way toward keeping you connected. Maybe you didn’t realize that.
I remember that Mom always put lipstick on before Dad came home from work. Bet you didn’t know I noticed that! Even as a kid I knew that was part of Mom getting ready to welcome Dad home. Since you aren’t a big make-up person, Mom, that little action told me that Dad was important to you and you wanted him to know it.
Back in the day, Tuesday Night Pasta developed because of Tuesday Night Bowling. Not having to think about what you were feeding the family made going out easier because going out was the priority. Tuesday Night Pasta continues even though bowling stopped a long time ago. But the fact that you took that time together to share an activity communicated to us that your relationship was important to you. Bowling may not have seemed important at the time, but it was another example of your decision to stay connected through a shared activity that you both enjoyed.
Even now, your evening cocktail together is a connecting time. It’s something you share together regularly. And another ritual we all know about is Saturday steak after church. It’s like a weekly celebration! Most people don’t have steak once a week! The fact that Dad grills the steak outside…in all weather!…makes it even more of a tradition and celebration. Keep it up!
Your rituals are such an important part of establishing a regular connections with each other. These rituals may seem small, but those practices are evidence of your intention to remain a connected couple. They are shared moments that become a collection of shared memories. Shared memories help build intimacy. Thanks for that ongoing example!
Commit to working it out no matter what. I know that you had to have had some major differences in sixty years. You had to. You are human! I don’t mean bickering moments over how long to cook the steak, or who put that there, or “why did you do it that way?” or any of the other momentary annoyances you often quibble over. I mean major misunderstandings and all-out fights. There were a few times in all the years I was living at home that I saw evidence of a major conflict going on, but you did not make the whole issue public to us kids. You settled your stuff privately and I thank you for that. We never saw you resolve your issues, but that has to be what happened. It’s clear that simply staying together was never the goal. You were committed to working it out and work it out you did. Otherwise…well, you are still together and you still smile at each other, right?
Of course, there are the things that you have agreed to disagree on. I have always known that you were registered with opposing political parties. In today’s political climate that alone could lead a couple to separate! But your relationship has always been more important to you than your opinions. Allowing for differences has helped you keep your individuality and maintain unity where it really counts. Thank you for that example!
Mom and Dad, I am proud of you. Your whole family is proud of you. None of us really knows what it took for you to make it to sixty years. Only you two fully understand that. But we all know that this is huge. People give up on marriage every day, even after many years of being together. But you have not, and we are absolutely certain that you will not.
Keep being friends who enjoy each other. It’s fun to watch and reassuring for us to see. Never stop your little rituals. They are a clear indication of your intention to share life with each other. Thank you for keeping your commitment to live out your wedding vows, the promises you made to each other and to God sixty years ago. We know that it hasn’t been easy, but let me tell you, it was worth it. What your commitment communicates to your family and to the rest of the world is a much-needed message in our instantly gratified and easily dissatisfied culture. What does it communicate? Commitment leads to contentment and partnership overpowers perfection. Your sixty years have not been perfect, but it’s clear that they have been satisfying and successful. That is most definitely something to celebrate!
Happy Sixtieth Anniversary, Mom and Dad!
Key Thought: Commitment leads to contentment. Don’t give up!
A Scripture to Consider: “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT
A YES Challenge: Dear Friend, how can you apply some of Mom and Dad’s practices to your own significant relationships? Take some time to choose one area and apply it!
Prayer: Father, I thank You for the example of my Mom and Dad. Thank you for helping them, even at the times they didn’t recognize it. Help me to stay committed to my significant relationships. Help me do my part in working things out no matter what. Amen.