“So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.”Colossians 1:9-10 NLT

On January 10, 2022 Tom and I celebrated 35 years of marriage. It’s a milestone that we have reached through a score of storms, still waters and sunny skies, and yet, it seems to have arrived at lightening speed. If you are never married or within at least the first five years of marriage, I’ll bet that 35 years sounds like an eternity! In those 35 years we have labored through getting to know each other really well. Tom can anticipate how I am going to respond in certain situations and will take action to help me. He knows I can get overwhelmed in loud, busy environments, like airport security checkpoints, and has learned to be patient and lead me through when necessary.  I have learned that words are not always the best way to help him and am still learning what to say, when to say it and when to just keep my mouth shut. Tom and I still have a boatload to learn about each other so that we can respond in ways that help us grow together. As long as it sounds, 35 years is just not enough time to learn everything about a person.

It’s kind of like that with God. The longer we know Him,  the better we understand Him, but there is always more to learn. Tom knows many ways to please me, but he doesn’t know every way to please me, just as I still have plenty to learn about him. With people, and with God, there is always more to discover. Knowing Tom better teaches me how to behave with him. Knowing God better teaches me how to behave with Him. 

A lot of people feel unsure about their relationship with God. They feel like they are walking on eggshells, wondering if they are really pleasing Him. They question if they are good enough for God. They feel like they have to check off a list of appropriate actions or acceptable behaviors. It’s all about doing or not doing the right thing so that God will be happy. They imagine God’s angry face if they slip up and are sure that whatever trial they are facing is the direct result of their failure. “God is punishing me. I missed His will and now everything is falling apart.” Ever feel that way?

You don’t have to work hard to be good enough for God. No checklists. No star charts. There is one surefire way to live a life that pleases God: Get to know Him better. As you work to get to know Him better, you will grow in knowing what makes Him happy, what pleases Him. Okay, so what exactly does it mean to know God better? 

 Knowing God better is about understanding who He is and what He wants. We grow in knowing who He is and what He wants through spending time in His Word. The entire Bible describes God’s character and how He responds to people in every kind of situation. Every page indicates God’s heart to love stubborn, self-centered sinners who turn their hearts elsewhere. Want to get a clearer picture of what God is like? Study Jesus. Jesus is the exact representation of who God is. (Hebrews 1:3, Colossians 1:15) He said clearly, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.” (John 14:9) As I study Jesus in His Word and learn how he responds to people and situations, I get to know His character. I get to know more about Him. If I know more of His character, who He is and what He wants, then I understand better how to respond and can make decisions that please Him.

 Knowing God better teaches me how to behave with Him.  We grow in knowing and understanding Him through our time in the Word because He has made clear what He wants. When I know what He wants, I know what to do, right? When I know what Tom wants, I know exactly what to do to please him. It sure helps when he tells me! I can pick up on a lot of cues, but even after 35 years I don’t always interpret them properly. 

God doesn’t just drop hints about how to please Him. He has clearly stated what He wants and that teaches us how to behave. He has clearly stated commandments, but he has also filled His word with examples of people who responded well. Just take some time in Hebrews 11, the passage that has come to be known as “The Hall of Faith.” It’s a list of imperfect people who somehow did what pleased God through their faith in Him. They knew what He wanted and did it, even when the outcomes were unclear.

Knowing Him better leads to choices that please Him, but Hebrews 11 emphasizes that it wasn’t just the choices that pleased God. It was the motivation behind the actions.

Knowing His character is just the beginning of getting to know Him. If we aren’t careful we can fall into the checklist trap. That’s knowing about God, not knowing Him. That’s external behavior, not internal intimacy. What God wants from you and me is much deeper and it will take a lifetime to develop it. 

 Knowing God better is a lifelong journey.  Just like my 35 years of marriage is not enough to fully know Tom, a lifetime will never be enough to fully know God. There will always be more to know, so take the pressure off yourself! He is full of grace. He knows our frame and understands that we are dust (Psalm 103:13-14) He doesn’t reject us for our imperfect attempts to please Him. He looks at our hearts. (1 Samuel 16:7) I am so glad that is what He looks at because my attempts to do good and be good are like a baby trying to bake a cake, messy and entirely unsuccessful!

My Friend, here’s what I want you to know: If your heart is pointed toward pleasing Him, then you are pleasing Him. It’s your heart that matters. There is no scorecard for your heart. No checklist. Just the desire to please Him and the choice to do your best. He reveals Himself to us as we seek to know and understand Him. Spiritual wisdom and understanding come from the Holy Spirit. Simply receive by being open to Him and His guidance.

 Dear Friend, knowing God is ultimately about having an intimate relationship with Him. He is a person after all. He has likes and dislikes. He has feelings and emotions. Intimacy grows through knowledge and understanding. Intimacy is about closeness and familiarity.

35 years of experience with Tom gives me knowledge about his likes and dislikes. It gives me understanding about his feelings and emotions. I can respond to him better now than I did when we were first married. Knowing Tom better helps me to grow closer to him, so I want to keep learning about him, what makes him tick, what delights his heart, what troubles him. I want to do the same with God, because knowing God better helps me grow closer to Him. 

What God wants most from you is your heart, not your good behavior. A life that is growing in intimacy with God is a life that is growing in pleasing God. Knowing God better is about having a heart fully surrendered to Him. You can do that, Dear Friend. And as you surrender your heart, you will find yourself living a life that pleases His heart.

 Key Thought: Knowing God leads to a life that pleases God. 

A Scripture to Consider: “So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.” Colossians 1:9-10 NLT

A YES Challenge: Take some time to process these questions with God: Do I rely on my behavior to feel confident that I am pleasing God? What steps can I take to grow in knowing God better? 

Prayer: Father, I have spent so much time and effort trying to be “good” so that You will be pleased with me. But I have been continually aware that I just can’t be good enough because You are so perfect and holy. Help me to remember that what You want most from me is my heart, not my hustle. You don’t want me working harder for You. You want me growing in knowing You, in love for You. Let my love for You guide my efforts to please You. Lead my heart in the right direction, so that my heart can lead me to choices that please and honor You. I want to live for Your glory. Amen.