I was 14. He was almost 18. It was my first "real" relationship. I remember the moment he said "I love you. And I've never said that to anyone before!" I believed him. He believed himself. We were happy. What else would we be?!
It lasted almost a year. An eternity as far as teenage relationships go! When it ended there was no amicable separation or catastrophic blowout. I saw him kissing someone else. He knew it and stopped calling. I was cast aside. His love for me had come to an end. Where was the happy ending every romantic movie, book or fairy tale promised me? Was it my fault? Was I not lovable?
Romantic love. It seems like everyone wants it. It certainly is big business, but is it good business? Does it promise something it can’t deliver? Romantic love sells products, movies, experiences. An entire TV channel is devoted to romantic movies! Every single one has a happy ending. But, it doesn’t really happen, does it? You've been hurt by the fractured fairy tale, just as I have been. If we all know that "happily ever after" isn't reality, then what is it in us that cries out for love that lasts forever?
Experts recognize that the need to be loved is basic to every human being. If that is so, then there can only be one reason: We are God-wired for love. Why? Because you and I are made to be loved by Him. he has hard-wired us to want to be loved unconditionally, unceasingly and unapologetically. The problem is that, as in so many other areas of life, we look for that need to be met in an earthly and natural way, rather than in a heavenly and supernatural way.
God is the only one who can love us unfailingly, unswervingly, unconditionally. Married love is meant to reflect God’s love. It isn't meant to be an end in itself. "They lived happily ever after" isn't meant to be the end of the story. Marriage is not meant to meet our need for love. It is meant to give a picture of God’s love. However, it isn’t possible for us to love that way without God's empowerment. And for the record, it is possible for a single person to live a satisfied life in God. Fully loved and fully complete. They don't need marriage to make them happy and we should stop trying to fix them up! What we should do is encourage them in their experience of God's love. That's what they need most.
When Tom and I got married, we exchanged rings. Rings are part of a marriage ceremony as a symbol of God’s love- continuous. no beginning, no end, everlasting. I can’t remember the last time I took off my wedding ring. It truly has become a part of my hand. I can’t imagine my hand without it. Yet, I haven’t fully appreciated it’s purpose. Whenever I look at my ring, it isn’t just a symbol that I belong to Tom. It should remind me that my love for Tom, and his love for me, are meant to reflect God’s love. It doesn't just say that Tom loves me and that I love him. It says that God loves me unceasingly. Wow!
Tom and I have celebrated 31 years of marriage. What we say is that "Happily ever after is possible with the grace of God and a lot of hard work." It hasn't always been first in our minds, but we have understood that our relationship is meant to communicate the mystery of God's perfect love. We haven't always succeeded, yet God has poured out His grace on us. He has helped us learn to look to Him first, rather than to each other, to meet our deepest need for love. Maybe that has enabled us to enjoy each other more.
I don't know where you are today, dear friend. Single. Married. In a relationship. Divorced. Widowed. Your need for love has never and will never diminish. The hurt of broken and imperfect human relationships will always be a poor substitute for the love that only God can give you and me. As you and I look to Him for love first, He will give us the grace to love others the way He loves us. Isn't that the happiest way to live?
Key thought: You are loved with a ceaseless love.
A Scripture to consider: I have loved you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
A YES challenge: Have you been looking to a person for the love only God can give you? Ask God to help you look to Him and His love first. Allow Him to adjust your expectations in your human relationships.
Prayer: God, this isn't going to be easy, but I really want Your love first. I have been hurt by the expectation that a person would love me perfectly. Only You can do that. Forgive me for not looking to You first. Help me to adjust my thinking and receive your unceasing, unconditional love for me. And God, as I receive that love from You, help me learn to love others that way as well. I want to be a reflection of Your love in all my relationships. Amen.