So, here we all are. For weeks now all of our busyness has come to a screeching halt. The kids aren't going to school, so those hours that you had to take care of the house, or of you, are gone. Perhaps you or a loved one are working from home. Your dining room is now the school room and the office. You have to remind yourself not to trip on computer cords and all the school books or work files need to be moved before you can eat your meals. Maybe your job or your spouse's job has been suspended, so you have the added tension of wondering how you are going to pay your bills while you try to figure out how to navigate this new normal. 

Even if you are alone...a lot...this time has put a strain on your relationships. You wonder, "Why don't they call more frequently? Don't they realize that I need them now more than ever? Do they really even care?"

You have a lot to deal with right now, but perhaps the most difficult thing for you is your family relationships. Maybe this says it all for you, "They are driving me crazy!"

Being constantly home with family often reminds me of all the things that I want to change in the ones I love, but can’t. All the desire to control, all the disappointment, all the hurt is staring me in the face all day, every day and I can’t get away from it. It may boil over in confrontation, or at least simmer beneath the surface like the kettle you leave on the stove so that it's ready when you want a cup of tea. it doesn’t take much to bring it to the boiling point. Being stuck at home with your family 24/7 is actually a blessing that can sometimes feel like a curse. 

Being separated and alone can have some of the same effects. Now, when you really want them to reach out, you are more aware of the gaps in your relationships. The same kettle is on your stove so that when they do call it's hard to enjoy the connection. 

Perhaps you find yourself constantly on edge. Trying to avoid that family member who always gets on your last nerve. Trying to find ways to avoid that underlying hurt. It was possible when life was busy, but now you’ve been required to be at home with them all day every day and it's staring you in the face. So, what do you do?

Start with appreciations. Sanity starts with shifting perspective. It’s so easy to focus on the hurt, disappointment and frustration when it's constantly under your nose. Those feelings don’t go away easily. Remember, God wants to help you manage your emotions because they matter.  But a change in your relationships can start with expressing appreciation. When they get on your last nerve, step back, acknowledge the negative feelings to yourself and to God, don’t ignore them. That isn’t what this is about. Finding the things you appreciate about that individual can calm the sting enough for you to look at the situation more objectively. Acknowledge the hurt, but then ask God to help you notice something you appreciate about this family member and let that be what comes out of your mouth. 

Speaking appreciation to that person mirrors your thankfulness to God. Remember when we said that gratefulness is the gateway into God's presence? When you choose to express appreciation to the person who frustrates you, you are inviting God into that relationship. He's the one who begins to make the change. It is a refocusing tool. You are reminding yourself that God is still good and that this person is a gift in your life, even though it may not feel like it right now. By speaking something positive to them you change your perspective and choose to build them up. That can go a long way in improving the overall tone of your relationship. Your words matter. Try it! I have found that my appreciative words really do help in those tense connections!

God is more concerned about changing you than changing your circumstances.  If we would be completely honest with ourselves, most often our desire for someone else to change is directly related to our own comfort. If they would change, my life would be easier, right? If they would do what I think they need to do, I would be happier. But it doesn't work that way, does it? I remember the moment when I sensed God telling me to stop praying desperately for my husband because I was really selfishly praying for me. That was not a pleasant moment!  

People get to make their own choices, including the people living in your house and mine. Even if I am right about what needs to happen in their life, the tension I feel is directly related to my desire to control them. Ouch! That's hard to admit, but if you and I can admit that, we are opening the door to our own freedom and an improved relationship with the ones that frustrate us most. 

Does that family member need to change? Most likely, but you and I don't have control over that. You only have control over you, how you respond, and your relationship with God. Why not let Him use this time to refine your character, make you more like Him and improve the way you relate to the ones who are closest to you?

If your family is driving you crazy, then maybe now is a good time to let the crazy drive you to something better. Your family is your family, regardless of the tensions and trials. What if your sanity starts with speaking appreciation to the ones that frustrate you most? 

Dear Friend, I pray that you find God's grace sufficient for this challenge. His power works best in your weakness! 

Key thought: Better relationships begin with a better perspective. 

A Scripture to consider:  “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A YES challenge: This week be intentional about expressing appreciation to your family members, especially that one that really gets on your last nerve. When you feel the frustration and anxiety rising up, pause and ask God to help you see something to appreciate. Then carefully use your words to speak appreciation. 

Prayer: Dear Lord, You knew this time would come. It's caught me by surprise, but you aren't surprised. You knew that I needed this time of facing the tension in my family relationships. I really don't like it and I would rather avoid it, but I accept now as a gift and ask You to help me to shift my perspective. Help me to notice and speak things that I appreciate to my family members. Guide me in a better way. Help me to better reflect Your character in the way I love them. Amen.