w=W: The Formula for Peace

In 1991, Tom and I, and our two children under 3 years old,  moved back to New York after two years in Pensacola, Florida. Because we were just waiting for a call from the FAA for Tom to begin training as an air traffic controller, our plan was to live at my parents’ house until he finished training and then move to wherever he was placed. Simple plan. The only wrinkle in the plan was that the U.S. government put a freeze on all hiring so no new air traffic controllers were being trained. There was no call coming from the FAA in the foreseeable future. Time for a new plan.

We ended up living downstairs at Mom and Dad’s for over three years. That was not the resolution I wanted! My heart yearned for a place of my own.  For many months there was no personal space at the end of our tunnel. We had one large room divided by furniture in the middle. The kids’ beds and a bathroom were on one side of the furniture wall. The other side was the “living room” with a foldout couch where Tom and I slept. The conditions were not ideal, but not terrible. The biggest problem was inside of me. I just did not want to be there and couldn’t wait to get out!

With no escape in the near future, I knew that something needed to change in me, but I didn’t know what. God gave me opportunities to explore options. Because I didn’t have my own home to maintain, I found myself with more time to fill than a mother of young children often has. Once the kids were in bed for the night, I could read or listen to messages on cassette tape (remember those?!). I searched for an internal resolution. As I discovered Scriptures or quotes that encouraged me, I would write them on index cards and tape them to the back of the door in our one-room basement “home.” The constant viewing was to remind me to make my attitude adjustments.

Of all the cards that I posted during those years there are a few that I still remember. The truths inked in my own handwriting on those 3x5 lined cards changed me and how I respond to life’s challenges. On one of those cards was a simple formula, w=W. Three little characters that still have a big impact on my life.

I found the formula in a book called “The Body” by Charles Colson. In it Colson shares many stories of people living out their faith in difficult situations. One vignette was of a Polish priest named Maximillian Kolbe who taught this truth to the priests living in his monastery after the Nazis took it over. He wrote the formula with chalk on a blackboard and explained that the small w represents my will and the large W represents God’s will. When my will is contrary to Gods will it creates a cross. In order to remove the cross I must submit my will to God’s will. His charge to the priests: “Now all you must do is obey!”

Though I clearly saw the solution to my struggle found in that simple formula, simple does not mean easy! I knew that obeying would enable me to walk through the dark tunnel with peace, but my desires were often screaming loudly and I felt the cross of being at odds with God’s will. It took time, but eventually those inner screams became submitted statements. I still wanted a place of my own, but accepted where I was and was not in constant turmoil.

The day came when it was time to take down my index cards from the back of the door. I think I still have them somewhere, but that small formula I carry with me always. Not on an index card, but it is emblazoned on my brain and my heart. I know that it works, because I’ve experienced it. I also know that it isn’t always that easy to put into practice. There are times when it flashes across my mind and I recognize the cross of my will at odds with God’s will. I know that the answer is simple. All I need do is obey. Easier said than done, but possible.

Dear One, do you recognize that cross in your life today? Would you like to remove it? The formula is simple and clear. It may take some time, but it is possible to walk in peace even if your situation doesn’t change. Don’t give up! Peace is possible. w=W.

Key thought: Peace is possible when my will lines up with God’s will.

A Scripture to consider: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭22:42‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A YES challenge: Take some time to let the Holy Spirit reveal where your will and God’s will are at odds. Ask HIm to help you to put w=W into practice.

Prayer: Father, I don’t want to be where I am today. I’d really like my situation to change, but I dont see any end in sight. I know that if the situation is not going to change, then I need to change. I dont know how to make that happen, but You do. Guide me to peace. Help me align my will with Yours. Amen.

Footnote: The Body: Being Light in the Darkness (c) 1992, Charles W. Colson with Ellen Saltilli Vaughan

No Artificial Anything

 “If one more person says, ‘He’s in a better place” I’m going to throw up!”, she said. It was the wake for someone we deeply loved, but who was not one of our family. His close family member felt she could be honest with me about the  emptiness of the well-meaning, shallow expressions of sympathy being offered her and the rest of the family. While the supporters attempted to focus on the positive, this man was a passionate believer in Jesus Christ and had graduated to his place in heaven, they negated the deep pain of those who loved him most. They defaulted to a false faith that didn’t allow for the genuine reality of suffering this side of heaven. The result was their words simply skipped over, rather than soothed, the loss. This believing family was left alone in their grief, though surrounded by many others who had come to offer condolences.

So much in our society is polished and packaged. Only perfect images are presented to the public. Whether we admit it or not, the church has been influenced. We’ve learned to only admit the positive and often deny the negative, but in doing so, sometimes we ignore reality. We dont allow ourselves to be real about how difficult life is. We offer each other spiritual platitudes rather than entering into each other’s pain. Is that really what we are supposed to do? Aren’t we supposed to remind each other of the Truth? Of course we are, but not to the point of ignoring reality.

This grieving family had no doubts that their loved one had gone to a better place. They didn’t need that reminder. They needed others to come alongside them and enter into their loss. To remind them that “though weeping endures for the night, joy comes in the morning” and “the Lord comforts us in all our troubles” or that He will “never leave us or forsake us.”  They needed people to remember their loved one with them, his faults as well as his strengths. They needed to be encouraged in a faith that accepts the temporary pain of earth while firmly fixing its eyes on the exceeding joy of the eternal. It’s not a lack of faith to acknowledge what is. It often takes more faith to bring our questions to God thanks does  to pretend that we dont have any.

In this case, theire were plenty of questions. This was the funeral of a faithful follower of Jesus, one who had helped many and served continuously. Why had God allowed this? Why weren’t the prayers for healing answered? Why wasn’t the illness found sooner? Why did it consume him so quickly? Why didn’t God extend his life? More and more questions. But the surface sympathy didn’t allow the family to acknowledge their questions. The artificial affirmations of faith left them alone when they most needed the comfort of community.

Beloved, this is a hard question. Are you one who skips over the real in order to announce the true? Believe me I have most definitely been there!  However, when we acknowledge the real we dont ignore the true, we emphasize it.  At one point in my faith journey, I would have been one of those offering “He’s in a better place.”  I would have spoken truth without acknowledging reality. This is hard to grapple with, but in order to truly help others through he pain of earth on the way to eternity we need to develop our own faith enough to be honest about what is. When we do that something amazing and unexpected happens. We deepen our faith in what will be. By looking honestly at the broken world as it really is, we prove that our faith in what will be is the real deal. When we can stare reality in the face and still declare the truth that there is a God in heaven who loves us, is with us now and will bring us to Himself in the end, we prove that our faith is genuine and our God is real. That’s the kind of faith I want. I hope I’m getting there. Why don’t you come with me?

Key thought: We dont need to ignore reality to declare truth.

A Scripture to consider: 

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭1:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A YES challenge: Ask God to show you if you ignore reality in order to declare truth. Ask Him to help you deepen your faith by accepting what is real while you declare what is true.

Prayer: Father, I really wish that life on earth were easier. The reality that I am currently experiencing is not what I hoped for. Help me to remember that my hope in You is not for a perfect life on earth, but for a perfect eternity in heaven. Help me to fix my eyes on You. Give me grace for the now while I look forward to the not yet. Amen.

Wanted: You

I was about five years old, but I still clearly remember how I felt. Shocked. Betrayed. Bewildered. I was over a friend’s house. We were playing in the dirt in her back yard. She stood up and, for no apparent reason, kicked me in the mouth. I was so stunned that I don’t even remember if it hurt. Her mom frantically pulled me into their kitchen to clean me up and try to stop the bleeding. Perhaps she was as bewildered as I was. I still don’t know why the little girl did it.

That betrayal shaped my view of myself when it came to friendship. There must have been something wrong with me that would cause someone I trusted to turn on me with such vehemence. I must not be the kind of person that people want to be friends with. I must be the kind of person who deserves to be rejected and punished.

We moved far away a few years after that incident, but shortly before we left another experience confirmed to me that I wasn’t someone worthy of good friends. I was in second grade. It was one of the last days that I rode the school bus with the kids from that neighborhood. These kids who had been nasty bullies to me were suddenly nice because I was moving. They even invited me to sit in the back of the bus with them. A sensitive seven-year-old, I knew it was fake, but received the positive attention while I could. Maybe they felt bad for treating me so poorly, or maybe they were just happy I was moving. Either way, I knew that they didn’t really want me.

My first day in my new school, just added fuel to the fire that was already burning. The teacher instructed me to sit at an empty desk. The desks were arranged in groups of four to six to make up tables. When I went to sit where the teacher had indicated, the little girl sitting across from the empty desk said, “You can’t sit there! That’s Cathy Chang’s desk. She’s in China.” Ouch! Another sting, and from a girl I had just met and hoped would be a friend.

I know, kids are kids and they don’t always think about how what they say or do affects others. But these kids had independently communicated to me that I was not wanted, rejected. The wound that opened with the kick in the mouth absorbed every new stab.

Maybe you can identify with those experiences. Perhaps for you it wasn’t neighborhood kids that wrote REJECTED across your forehead. It may have been siblings, or parents, or another adult in your life that whipped out the permanent marker and labeled you. Maybe your kick came later in life. A spouse that traded you in for someone else. A friend that dumped you for someone with more influence or money. In one way or another, you’ve been kicked in the mouth by someone you thought you could trust. It told you something about yourself that is just not true and it’s time to put that lie to bed for good.

You are accepted. Jesus acceptd you. Not because you were good. Not because you were smart. But because you are you, a precious child of the Most High God. He has had His eye on you from the very beginning of your life. He has cried every tear with you, felt every sting, heard every painful word. He stretched out His arms on the cross to accept you and all who will come to Him. He has changed your identity, wiped away the permanent marker and written His name in it’s place. He says “You are mine. You are accepted” and as a result of that, you can accept others.

It’s time to drop the old and pick up the new. How about it? Look in the mirror and say, “I am exactly who God wants.” That’s the truth!

Key thought: You are wanted by God!

A Scripture to consider: “Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.” Romans‬ ‭15:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A YES challenge: Do what the last line says! Look in the mirror and say, “I am exactly who God wants.” Believe it!

Prayer: Father, You know the many people in my life who have cast me aside. You know the pain it’s caused me, even when I tried to pretend it didn’t matter. Help me to fully receive the truth that I am accepted by You. I am exactly what You want. Help me to accept others just as freely as you have accepted me. Be glorified in me. Amen.