There are those moments that become engraved in memory. Often, they are the most beautiful moments. The proposal. The graduation. The birth. But sometimes, they are the most painful moments: The breakup. The failure. The loss. This was one of those kinds of moments.

It isn’t necessary, or wise, for me to share the details with you. It was a moment of great loss, loss of position, loss of hope, loss of future. The loss was a decision, someone else’s decision, and the result of things out of my control. I understood the outcome, but had hoped that there might be a different way to resolve the issues. Yet, here it was. Loss. Pain. An uncertain future.

Thankfullly, within a few months hope was reborn and a new future began to take shape. I didn’t feel anger or resentment toward the one who made the decision, yet whenever I heard a message on forgiveness, that moment of loss was the one that always came to mind, even years later. I found that difficult to understand. I once heard a message that forgiveness is like peeling an onion and we sometimes have layers of hurt to forgive. That makes sense, but this wasn’t one of those situations. So, why did it continue to come to mind?

In the years since that moment of pain I’ve come to the conclusion that forgiveness isn’t something that you do once for specific circumstances. We are to forgive as Jesus forgave us (Colossians 3:12-14  Ephesians 4:32). When Jesus purchased our forgiveness, He didn’t do it for a sin, one moment of transgression. He did it for sin, our tendency to stray from God. If we are to forgive as the Lord forgave us then we need to be prepared to forgive others, not just for specific instances of hurt, but for their tendency to hurt us. We need to develop an identity of forgiveness, an attitude, a lifestyle.

The decision made by another brought tremendous hurt into my life, but there was no evil intent. No desire to cause pain. It just was. That agonizing moment was the result of the human tendency to hurt. What if we thought of forgiveness as a lifestyle rather than something that we do? What if forgiveness became something that we are? Forgiven forgivers.

That’s an identity worth developing. An attitude worth cultivating. Are you a forgiven forgiver? Here’s the truth we have to accept: As long as we are alive, people will continue to hurt us. It’s a fact. Why? Because of the sin nature that Jesus died for. If I develop a lifestyle, an attitude, of forgiveness, then I know how to handle it when I am hurt. Think of it like laundry. Some people just love to do laundry. They love an empty hamper and a basket full of clean, folded clothes. It looks neat. It smells good. There is a sense of accomplishment. But you and I know that sense of accomplishment is short-lived because at the end of the day off come the dirty clothes and into the hamper they go! We are continually making more dirty laundry. I once read of a lady who did laundry every day to try to keep up with her family’s dirty clothes. It was important to her to have an empty hamper. That’s how we need to treat forgiveness. When you develop a lifestyle of forgiveness you experience a greater level of day to day freedom. You don't get caught up in the constant little offenses. Don’t let the little things build up. Keep short accounts. A lifestyle of forgiveness keeps the hamper empty.

Jesus forgave me once for my tendency to sin, my sin nature. But I need to continue to ask forgiveness for the specific ways that tendency is expressed, the things I do. In the same way, I want to forgive others for their tendency to cause me hurt and be ready to quickly forgive the ways that tendency is expressed. I want to be a forgiven forgiver. How about you?

Key thought: Develop a lifestyle of forgiveness.

A Scripture to consider: Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you. Colossians 3:13

A YES challenge: As you go through the day today, make a decision to keep short accounts and quickly forgive others for their tendency to hurt you.

Prayer: Father, I don’t want to let offenses build up. I do recognize that tendency of others to cause me hurt and I don’t like it. The truth is, I just want them to change! It’s unreasonable, I know. Help me to become a forgiven forgiver and develop a lifestyle of forgiveness. Amen.