You do it. You know you do, so don’t deny it. I do it, too. None of us is immune. Someone in your life seems to be excelling in an area that you are struggling in. Your good friend seems to have all her ducks in a row when it comes to parenting. All her kids seem to be thriving and happy, without the kinds of struggles that your kids face. Or maybe, your neighbor just got a promotion at work. You watch as they purchase a new car and beautiful additions to their home, while you struggle to put groceries on the table. You have lunch with a friend whose stylish and put-together outfit makes your everyday, pull-on-what-feels-good garb seem like a brown paper bag. Or a member of your small group is in the middle of a nightmare family struggle and somehow they seem to respond in the most Christ-like manner that you’ve ever seen. You begin to question your own spirituality. “Am I even really saved? Why do I continue to struggle with anger and depression instead of responding like them?” In any situation, and at any time, you and I can find ourselves falling into the Comparison Trap.
When someone else's success causes you to contemplate, consider and complain, then you have slipped over the edge and fallen in. “I wish I was like... I should be like...I wish I had....People would like me better if...I would be happier and more successful if...” You get the picture. Any “ouches” there? I know there are for me. OUCH!
So, how do we keep from falling into the comparison trap? How do we appropriately measure our success and progress?
First, keep in mind that this life we are living is a marathon.In a running race, the runner doesn’t focus on what others are doing, but on besting their own time. Looking around at competitors will slow a runner down, so they learn to focus on the finish line and compete against themselves. Do they want to win? Of course! But most marathon runners don’t expect to be first. They run to achieve their own personal best. Your goal is to achieve your personal best. Others are no indication of your own progress, and, by the way, unlike in a marathon, they are not competitors. When one succeeds, we all win. The only way to measure your own progress is to evaluate yourself, where you were, where you are and where you want to be. We never arrive. We are always pressing forward.
When you get frustrated with where you are:
Stop for a minute and think back to where you were when you first started. You can apply this in all areas, but let’s focus for a few minutes on our walk with Christ. Where were you when you began? I was a third year college drama major with dreams of becoming a professional actress. Insecurity drove my desire to immerse myself in the characters I played. I didnt like being me. It was so much more fun to be someone else. Living in the dramatic world and being young and insecure meant that my emotions were the driver in how I approached life. Unchecked emotion made my problems seem bigger than they were and my reactions were out of proportion to the reality of the situation. I was so desperate to be loved that when I began my Christian walk I became caught up in doing the “right” things and doing things “right” in order to earn God’s favor. Outwardly, I might have started to appear “right” but inwardly I was still a mess! It encourages me to know that I am not that girl anymore. I’ll be you can say the same for yourself.
Take some time to distill what lessons you have learned and how they have changed you. When I was a very new believer I picked up a little book that made the Christian walk simple and practical. The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence is actually a collection of letters from a seventeenth century monk to a friend in which he exhorts his friend to keep Christ constantly in his mind, doing every small thing, from washing dishes to peeling potatoes, in an attitude of prayer and devotion. That little volume helped to set the tone for how I wanted to approach my life and relationship with Christ. It helped me to identify the main thing, living in love for Jesus, and put other things in their proper place. Brother Lawrence helped me begin to understand that this life is more about loving Jesus than doing things for Him. I say it helped me beginto learn because it is a lesson I am still learning. Honestly, I think that every lesson I learn about following Jesus points back to that: Love Jesus first and do all things in love for Him and everything else falls into place, including loving other people in His name. When I love others it becomes easier to rejoice at their success rather than stumble into comparing and competing. I know that has helped me a great deal when I am tempted to play the “if only” game.
Now take a few minutes to celebrate! In the book Your Beautiful Purpose. by Susie Larson the author states that practicing thankfulness is one way that we practice God’s presence. As you and I take some time to thank Him for the progress that we have made it becomes easier to climb out of the trap. Thankfulness for what we have and where we are keeps us from comparing. It doesn’t matter how far you have come. What matters is that you have made progress, you have moved and are moving forward. You are closer to the marathon finish line than you were. That is what counts.
When you compare yourself to someone else remember that you have no idea what they went through to get where they are. As a new believer I wanted to be like Sharon and tried to act like her, but I did not have the years or experiences that shaped her and gave her wisdom and depth. I needed my own journey to shape me. I had to go through my own trials, my own education experiences and my own times with God, wrestling with Scripture and wrestling in prayer, to gain some of the character qualities I saw in her. You need to walk your own journey without comparing yourself to any one else. Keep your eyes focused on one goal, becoming like Christ, obeying him and loving Him well by loving others.
What is the finish line you and I should focus on? What is the goal? Not to achieve things, although there are tasks we will accomplish for His glory. (Ephesians 2:10-11) The ultimate goal is to be like Jesus, to let His character shine through your personality. That won’t look like anyone else. The perfection He created you for is to be the best you. Not the best imitation of anyone else. Not even an imitation of Jesus. Let Jesus live throughyou. Then you will be a unique expression of Him,
Dear Friend, keep your eye on the finish line of this marathon. There are no competitors only your personal best. Run strong!
Key Thought: Instead of comparing yourself with others compare yourself with where you were and keep your eye on becoming like Jesus.
A Scripture to consider: “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.” Philippians 3:12 NLT
A YES challenge: If you keep a journal, review your writing at regular intervals. Notice the lessons you have been learning and make note of them. Take some time to thank God for what He has been teaching you.
Prayer: Father, I get frustrated with where I am. I look at others and think about how far I have to go in my life and relationship with You. Help me to take the time to look back and see how far I have come. Fill my heart with gratefulness for what You have already done in me instead of frustration over how far I have to go. I love You and want my life to honor You in all things. Amen.
Click here for a free download of The Practice of the Presence of God at Project Gutenberg.