Peer pressure. I think peer pressure is at it’s worst in middle school. I not only lived through that labyrinth myself, I observed it for ten years as an employee of a public middle school. I attended middle school in the late 1970’s, a time af great social change and national insecurity. But middle school was still middle school.
One outgrowth of that period in history was a move toward a more casual society. Whereas, previous generations dressed up to go to school, my generation was wearing jeans. (When I worked in the middle school the slide continued and some kids even wore pajamas!) My mom, as a member of the previous generation, was resolute for a long time that I would not be allowed to wear jeans to school. I not only had to wear skirts, but knee socks with skirts! I was already a shy and awkward girl who loved reading and actually liked school. This put me in the lowest social strata, but dressing like an old lady sunk my social standing even further. All I wanted was to fit in and maybe even be accepted by at lease one cool kid, or even gain a notice from the cutest, coolest boy in homeroom. I pleaded with my mom and, eventually, I was allowed to wear jeans. My relaxed wardrobe didn’t garner any cool-kid friends, but at least I could blend in with the crowd and was less of a target for ridicule. My pressure to be a “peer” was reduced and my need for acceptance was quieted, temporarily.
We would like to think that we outgrow peer pressure, but the truth is that we never reallly do. Our need to please other people follows us into adulthood. It is true that some of us struggle with this more than others, but we all experience it to some degree. What other people think about us matters to us. For some of us, what other people think about us defines our self-image. “If they don’t like me, I dont like myself.” “If this is what they think about me it must be true.” When we measure ourselves by other people’s opinions of us it can be downright demoralizing. It can sap our strength and hope. It can make us want to give up.
Dear Friend, don’t let what other people think of you define your sense of identity. Living for the opinion of others is a moving target. Don’t let what other people say about you tell you who you are. Whether they like you or not, whether they encourage you or not, does not define your value and worth as a person. People are fickle. Their opinions are constantly changing. If you spend your energy trying to please other people you will run out of steam chasing after that slippery standard.
God has a uniquely designed plan for you. If you allow the opinion of others to dictate your choices you could derail yourself from that plan. Keep your eyes focused on what God says about you and how God feels about you rather than what other people are thinking. I know it can be hard not to be distracted and hurt by others, but take some time to search out Scriptures that affirm God’s magnificently abundant love for His kids and memorize a few. Spend an hour or two in the first chapter of the letter to the Ephesians, for example, to remind yourself that God chose you, is ready to bless you and went to great lengths to make you His own. Don’t let someone else’s negative opinion or lack of approval motivate you. Let God’s love for you be your incentive to keep moving forward.
Dear One, when you live for God’s glory and pleasure you have an unchanging goal, regardless of what other people think. God is unchanging, therefore His love for you is unchanging. His love and acceptance is a target that doesn’t move and it doesn’t need to be earned. He is a loving Father who applauds your unsuccessful efforts as much as your successful ventures. Like any parent who simply affirms their baby’s attempts to stand and walk, He doesn’t scowl when you fall. He reaches out His hand to lift you up and help you try again.
The battle for approval and acceptance continued for me until I began to make God’s glory my goal. My success in receiving permission to wear jeans did not end up pleasing anyone but me. There was no lasting satisfaction. Middle schoolers find other things to tease each other about. But when I committted my life to Christ I started the process of taking my eyes off the approval of people and turning them toward the approval of God. People disappoint and discouragement comes with diasappointment. We stop pursuing excellence. We stop trying to be our best when we allow the reaction of people to be our guide. When I make pleasing God my goal the reactions of people still hurt, but they matter less.They don’t stop me from moving forward in God’s plan for me. I still know which direction to head in.
Dear Friend, whose approval are you living for?
Key thought: Living for the opinion of others is a moving target, but living to please God is deeply satisfying.
A Scripture to consider: “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24 NLT
A YES challenge: Choose one Scripture that affirms what God says about you and commit it to memory.
Prayer: Father, I realize that I have often allowed the opinions of others to define who I think I am. Forgive me. Help me to remember that I am who You say I am. I want to live for You and for Your glory. Help me to make that my focus regardless of what other people think of me. Amen.