This Is Normal?! How To Adjust To What You Didn’t Expect

So, it’s July and I saw my first “back to school” commercial on TV. Really?! But, are kids going back to school in the fall? Actually, the right question is: How are the kids going back to school in the fall? Virtually? In person? A blend of both? My life was structured around the school schedule for more than twenty years when my kids were in school and I worked in schools. It brought a sense of order to all my days and years. Now...what school year schedule? 

This is normal?! School plans in the air? Face masks in public? But, that is the new normal, isn’t it? Not knowing what is going to happen. What would normally be anticipated can no longer be expected. Things we didn’t ever imagine are now reality. As you try to plan your calendar for the rest of 2020, I hope you don’t have a pen in your hand! Pencil is the only way to plan these days.

How are you doing with the new normal? Are your fighting it internally? Are you just hanging on until “normal” comes back?

Do you find yourself longing for the normal that you used to know? The normal that you anticipated? Yeah, me too. But it isn’t happening now and won’t be happening in the near future. I hate to break it to you, but the normal that you and I knew is gone for good. There is no turning back. What you and I have to do now is learn to navigate the normal that is, not look back to the normal that was. 

How can we make it through the new normal? No, not just make it through. How can you and I thrive and honor God in the midst of this unexpected reality? 

First, forget what is behind and accept what is. The key is in recognizing what is real and living there.  You can’t really forget what was. That’s not what I am saying. But when we look back at the past and long for it, we can’t move forward. The key to moving forward with grace is to accept what is and let go of what is not. Take a deep breath and then take one last look back. Go ahead! Take that deep breath now! Now, turn your face forward. There, that’s better!

Second, set your mind on the future and look forward to what is ahead. It’s up to you to decide where you will let your thoughts dwell. No one else can do that for you. When you decide to focus on the current reality and look ahead, anticipation will grow within you. Really, it will!

Ask yourself: “What might God want to do in and through me in this new normal? What might be possible now that was not possible before? How is God growing me through this so that I can become the person that He has always intended me to be?” 

This new normal is just as full of possibilities as the one we have left behind. When you shift your focus to what lies ahead, the fog begins to clear a bit and you just might be able to discern some shapes on the horizon. Decide how you are going to think about this. Determine where you will let your thoughts wander to...and where you won’t.

Pivot your perspective and press on. What lies ahead is more than just schedules and plans. There is a reality that stretches far beyond the end of your calendar years. Eternity is ahead and that’s what is worth living for. Press on and take hold of the prize of living forever in the presence of the One who loves you completely and continually. This world is temporary and in constant change. What matters most, what really matters, is eternal. The eternal never changes.

Long before the pandemic of 2020 I found myself in the midst of a new normal I didn’t expect. I’d love to share details with you, but it wouldn’t be appropriate. Just let me say that all that I imagined, planned and prayed for seemed to be replaced with the exact opposite, and my new reality was outside the realm of anything I ever imagined. 

My life looks nothing like I expected and I have had to wrestle with that in God’s presence...a lot.  In all my wrestling I have come to this conclusion: This life is not all there is, and if I say that I believe in heaven and eternity, then that is what I need to live for. Jesus did not die so that I could live a comfortable life on earth, but so that my relationship with God could be restored. Because of the cross, I can taste eternity now and experience complete restoration when this life is over. He opened the door to heaven and I choose to set my mind on things above, not things here on earth. (Colossians 3:2)

The key to remaining steady in uncertain times is to keep the end in mind. What do I really want? More importantly, who do I want to be? What do I want to be known for? Is my strongest desire material comfort and stability, or Is it to represent Christ well? 

The new normal is not what I had hoped for or expected. The new normal looks nothing like what I dreamed of. The new normal in some ways is horrifying to me, but, one thing I do, forgetting what is behind and reaching out for what is ahead, I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. He is the one at work in me both to want to and to do what pleases Him. (Philippians 3: 13-14 , 2:13)

Press on, Dear Friend, because in the end our normal will be in His presence forever. That’s a reality worth reaching for. 

Key thought:  An eternal perspective will help you adjust to what you didn’t expect.

A Scripture to consider: “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:13, 14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A YES challenge:  As you face your new normal, ask yourself some questions in God’s presence. “What is it that I really want? What matters most to me?” Allow Him to reveal your own heart to you and ask Him to help you focus on pleasing Him above all. 

Prayer:  Lord, this normal doesn’t look anything like I expected and I don’t know what is going to happen next or how to prepare for it. Help me to let go of all my expectations and focus on being the person You want me to be, whatever happens. Amen.

I'm Not Angry! Or Am I?

What triggers anger in you? There’s a lot to be angry about right now. Things haven’t gone the way anyone expected. Even though businesses are starting to reopen, nothing is the same. Nothing is the way that you and I are used to. It’s uncomfortable. Do respond with anger to having to wear a mask to Walmart? Or to wait in line even to enter? Or maybe you are like me and tend to be angry at people who refuse to wear a mask or complain about any restrictions. Maybe you are angry because you had to cancel your vacation because there are too many hoops to jump through just to prove that you are healthy enough to travel. Or you are angry because your kids have already been home for months with school being closed and you didn't feel like the district handled things well, or your kids didn’t handle it well, or....you didn’t handle it well. Perhaps you are angry because your church re-opened but limited capacity to 25% and you missed the cut and didn't get to attend. Or your church hasn’t opened and you think it should. 

Yes, there are a lot of things that could trigger anger in regard to our current health crisis. 

But there are other things that could be touching an angry place in you. You may be angry at the way you have been treated by society because of your ethnicity or your gender. How do you handle that anger? The murder of George Floyd has sparked tremendous anger, rage even, that has ignited rioting and looting, shouting and demanding, name-calling and pointing fingers. Many protests have honorably remained peaceful, but there is always enough anger bubbling under the surface to boil over if the right conditions encourage it. Then that anger becomes dangerous to everyone. 

Anger is an appropriate response to injustice, but how are you handling it? What are you doing with it?

Anger was the primary expression of emotion I saw growing up, it scared me and I didn't want to be like that. Let me explain. If you have taken time to think about it, you have probably noticed that for some people, anger is the way they express almost everything. Fear comes out as anger. Hurt comes out as anger. Frustration, rejection are all experienced in the form of anger. That is what I saw as a child. It frightened me, made me feel insecure and caused me to want to protect myself. I tried to protect myself by avoiding that anger. I would try to do everything “right” so that anger wouldn’t explode on me. Let me say that this expression of anger was vocal, not physical, and not particularly abusive in choice of words. Just loud and unsettling to my sensitive kid spirit. Even now I prefer strings to electric guitar when it comes to sound. That aspect of my personality made it difficult for me to navigate loud. I still don’t like loud. So, I worked hard to avoid that loud anger. 

What about you? How did you see anger expressed? What did you learn from that? Anger is an important aspect of our lives, but most of us have never really thought about or been taught healthy ways to handle anger. We either let it take over or we treat the anger itself as a sin and try to avoid it at all costs. That’s the way I used to handle anger. But I have been learning to look at it differently. 

When you and I are angry, and anger itself is not a sin, it is natural to focus on the person or situation that has triggered the anger. But anger comes from inside you and me. Nothing forces you to get angry, but a trigger from outside sparks anger inside. So the real question is “What does this anger say about me? And what does God want me to do with it?”

Be angry. It is okay to be angry. The Scripture does not forbid anger. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry and do not sin." Being angry is a normal part of being human. Anger is an indication that I feel like something wrong has happened. Anger is an indicator and is most often a secondary emotion. 

Since loud expressions of anger scared me I didn’t want to be angry because I thought angry meant loud yelling.  But that isn’t the only way to be angry, is it? I didn’t think I was an angry person until I had a two-year-old. That’s when I began to recognize the anger in me. I didn’t yell, but I noticed the tension, the tight lips and the desire to make this little human being do what I wanted him to do by any means possible. What did it show me about me? My need to control this little person and my inability to do so because of his unique individuality and autonomy, given him by God, by the way. I quickly realized that I needed God’s help to love my son well. 

In the case of my two-year-old, the wrong that I felt was happening was that he was not doing what I thought he should be doing, like doing what I said, or taking a nap, or sitting still. That sounds silly compared to all the injustice that causes anger, but at the core of much anger is the desire for things to go in a certain way — let’s just call it what it is, a desire to control — and anger rises up when it doesn't go my way. Anger is meant to cause us to act on injustice, against sin. The Scriptures describe God getting angry at sin. Therefore, it isn’t a sin to be angry. But what do I do with my anger?

Do not sin. The New Living Translation of Ephesians 4:26 says, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” When you are angry does it take over? What scared me about being angry at my little boy was that I knew that if I let the anger take over I could hurt him, either verbally or physically, in my attempts to make him do what I thought he should be doing. If I let that anger control me, the result would cause damage, because sin always causes damage. Is that what you want from your anger?

Anger is a complicated emotion, but let’s think of it as a message rather than a feeling. It’s a message to you, not to those around you. My challenge to you, Dear Friend, is to find out what the message is and deal with that. Let your anger lead you to positive action rather than letting it lead you to sin. Let it lead you inside to deal with the triggering emotions, the hurt, fear, the desire to control. Learn to recognize it and go below the surface with God. Then let Him lead you to the proper action, the proper way to deal with your anger. Sometimes it is simply an internal change that is needed. A shift in attitude. A release of an offense. Allowing God to heal a hurt. Sometimes it is meant to lead you to action on behalf of another, to battle injustice, to speak for those who can not speak for themselves or to stand with those whose voices have been ignored. When that is the case, let your action be born of conviction, not emotion. 

I am praying for you, Dear Friend, that God will help you to recognize your anger, acknowledge it, learn from it and act appropriately. Be blessed, dear friend. Be angry. Don’t let it lead to sin.

Key thought: Let your anger lead you to God, not sin. 

Scripture: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:26‬ ‭ESV‬‬

A YES Challenge: Take a few minutes with God and consider together what your anger looks like. What makes you angry? How do you recognize it? How do you express it? Go with God into what is under your anger. As He reveals the hurt or fear or desire to control, ask Him how He wants you to handle your anger. Thank Him for His presence and ask Him for His strength to change.  

Prayer: Lord, I haven’t always recognized my anger as a problem. I have let it control me in more ways than I care to admit, but I don’t want anger to lead me into sin. Help me to recognize, acknowledge, and grapple with the things that make me angry and then lead me into an appropriate way to deal with them. Amen. 

Sad is not Bad. Anger is not Evil. What Does God Want Me To Do With My Feelings?

So much is happening in our nation and world right now. The COVID-19 crisis has forced everyone out of the routines that bring them comfort and a sense of control, causing anxiety levels to increase like smoldering kindling. The atrocity of George Floyd's death has ignited what was smoldering and given vent to all the pent up anxiety and anger, re-injuring the deepest of unhealed wounds. The pushed-down, unexpressed, unprocessed emotion has erupted in protest. Some righteous anger has led to righteous action, while other expressions have been retribution and revenge. 

I have watched these unfolding events without being aware of emotion on the surface. I have mentally acknowledged the horror and injustice without a sense of emotion attached, but I know that I do have feelings about it. I realized that I needed to take time with God to go with Him into that place of feeling, following a process I shared with you a few weeks ago. (What’s Going On In There? A Guide For Staying In Touch With What’s Beneath the Surface? Click here to read.) 

I started by getting in touch with God's presence and giving Him thanks. Then I asked myself and God, “What am I feeling about all this?” As God and I began to go together into my feelings, I recognized a feeling of helplessness. It all seems too big for me to do anything about it. But I sensed God whisper to me, “If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.” I don’t want to be part of the problem. This is a place where I had to get right with God, to repent, and it challenged me to go deeper. 

We had to grapple through a few layers of reflection to get to the root, the depth of what I have been feeling. God helped me to name it as sadness. What I feel about the racial divide gaping in our nation. the COVID-19 crisis and people's responses, is deep sadness. So much loss and hurt. It can be overwhelming to feel that sadness. "It isn’t supposed to be this way!" echoed in my soul. As God and I grappled with this, He showed me that the sadness is a reflection of His sadness. It isn’t supposed to be this way. This is not what He wants for the people He has created. God designed us to be in perfect unity with Him and with each other. It’s the sadness that results from living in a sin-cursed world. 

An article at GotQuestions.org entitled "What does the Bible say about sadness?" (Click here to read. ) says this,  “Sadness is either the direct or indirect result of sin, and since we live in a fallen world, sin is a normal part of life. (Psalm 90:10)” Jesus must have felt this kind of sadness every day of His life. This isn’t what He planned for humanity. This isn’t what He wants. If we take the time to be honest with ourselves about our emotions, we might recognize that we also feel this sadness more often than we would like to admit. Recognizing the sadness is one thing, but what am I supposed to do with it? Your first reaction might be to try to make yourself feel better through a variety of appropriate, or even inappropriate, activities. Or, you might ignore it completely and move on. But I believe that God has something better for you and for me.

God has given us emotions to lead us to action. Many people are extremely angry right now and they are taking action, from righteous protests to unrighteous rioting. I am more likely to feel sad than angry. But that sadness is equally valuable. Just like righteous anger it is meant to lead me to righteous action. For me, then, this sadness isn’t fully my own. It is the burden God has given me to lead me to pray. It is a reminder to intercede on behalf of individuals and our nation. I am asking God what other action He might be asking of me. I will not use a call to prayer as an excuse to do nothing else. If God leads me to other action I want to obey, but I have to start by recognizing that the feeling that this is too big for me to be of any help is not true. It's a lie and every lie is an enemy of God. If I am not part of the solution, then I am part of the problem. I want to be part of the solution.

Prayer is a valuable action that connects to God’s power, but not only His power. It also connects me to His compassion and care for people. Prayer is not about making God do something. It is about connecting with what He wants to do and agreeing with Him. Prayer is uniting with God’s heart in a powerful way. Prayer is about changing me so that I can become God’s instrument in changing circumstances.  Beginning with prayer allows me to be a conduit of His power into circumstances that only He can affect. My agreement with Him in prayer invites Him to enter into the situation in His power and for His purposes. It cooperates with Him in what He wants to do. 

Dear Friend, where does God have you in all of this? How are you feeling? What actions might your feelings be leading you to? How might God be calling you to cooperate with Him in what He wants to do? 

Discover these things by getting in touch with God's presence and giving thanks and then by going with Him into your feelings and grappling with them together with Him. Get right with God where you need to, and then go forward into the action He is calling you to. (Click here to further explore this process.)

Reconciliation is part of who God is. it will always be a part of what He does. Forgiveness and justice are also part of who He is and, therefore, are part of what He does. Righteous anger leads to righteous action, not retribution. As a believer, God calls you and me to reflect His character in how we respond. 

How might He want you to be a part of the solution? 

Key Thought: God has given us emotions to lead us to action. 

A Scripture to consider: “From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭61:2-3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A YES Challenge: Take time in God’s presence to recognize and name what you are feeling in response to current events in our world. Ask God what action He wants you to take as a result. 

Prayer: Lord, I never learned to recognize my emotions as messages from You. I have been feeling a lot recently, but have tried to ignore or smooth them over. Help me learn to process my feelings with You and help me learn to seek You for how I need to act in response to my feelings. Amen.