Discover Your True Identity (Book Excerpt)

September 20, 2025 Cathleen Zahradnik

Discovering your God-given identity is important for setting good, God-centered goals. Discovering your God-given identity starts with unlearning the past. It’s like a dance. You tentatively begin to attempt the steps. It takes some time to find the beat and the rhythm. There may be some missteps at first. But once you find it, your movement becomes fluid and graceful. It’s fun for you and beautiful for others to see. Discovering your true identity is worth the effort of unlearning past patterns and finding your natural rhythm.

You learned a lot through your past experiences. Things that were said to you by important adults in your childhood adhered to your identity like stray scraps of tape. They may not be immediately visible, but they are still stuck where they don’t belong. Discovering your true identity involves discovering the lies and unsticking them. What someone once said has become how you think about yourself.

It takes some prayerful searching to discover where they are stuck. Removing them may be more difficult than it seems, but it is worth your effort. And remember, you aren’t alone in this process. God Himself walks through it with you by His Holy Spirit. He will reveal the lies and help you to replace them with His truth.

You might also want to bring a trusted friend into this process. Let them know the lies that you are unlearning and the truths that you want to absorb into who you are. Just knowing that there is someone else you can talk to makes a world of difference.

Chosen Child, Not the Consolation Prize

You and I have been chosen by God. That is the fact of the matter. How you feel about it is not really that important. Our current culture relies more on feelings than on fact. Feelings overshadow so many decisions. They shape perspectives. They inform how new stories are presented and how ads are crafted. Feelings are changeable. Facts are not.

John Adams, one of our founding fathers, is quoted as saying, “Facts are stubborn things.” Facts do not change with feelings. Facts are what they are and that is all. They can’t be prodded and poked and made to adjust. Facts are reality. Feelings are shadow.

When Do We Get the Good Stuff?

August 17, 2024 Cathleen Zahradnik

“And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.”Romans 8:17-18 NLT

Why does God allow you and me to suffer if we are “co-heirs” with Christ? Doesn’t that mean we are supposed to get all the good stuff? Well, yes. But for Jesus, the good stuff came on the other side of a lot of bad stuff. The good stuff came on the other side of suffering.My favorite definition of suffering comes from a message I heard on a cassette tape in the mid-1990s. Author Elisabeth Elliott defined suffering very simply: Having what you don’t want or wanting what you don’t have. Her point was that suffering affects every one of us in one way or another and in varying degrees. None of us are immune to suffering.

Romans 8:17-18 makes it clear that suffering and glory are connected.

“And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” Romans 8:17-18 NLT

The good stuff is only on the other side of the bad stuff. As co-heirs with Christ we inherit His suffering on the way to glory. But the best stuff is this: What we suffer is not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed. It’s going to be worth it all. This is our hope. And that is the hope I want to inform my day-to-day perspective.

What about you, my friend? What would it look like for you to live with the hope that everything you have gone through and are going through is going to be worth it all? I think it looks like Puddleglum.

Live like a Narnian. I love books and a good deal on good books is hard to pass up. Several years ago, I bought Kindle versions of all seven books in the Chronicles of Narnia series for $1.99 each. It has been money well spent! Each fantasy story by C.S. Lewis tackles different aspects of faith. The most famous story is The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I most recently finished The Silver Chair. To me, it’s a story about how what we believe affects our actions and identity.

Who is Calling You?

June 3, 2023 Cathleen Zahradnik

Live in a manner worthy of the calling you have received, you have been called by God. Ephesians 4:1

Imagine that your phone rings and when you answer it you realize that the call is from the White House. Regardless of how you feel about the current occupant of the White House, the fact that you have received a call from the seat of our country's government would catch your attention. You would know that the call was important, and you'd do whatever you could to give the call the honor it deserved based on where the call was coming from. You would follow whatever instructions were given to you and you might even feel kind of important. After all, the White House is an important place. Doesn't a call from an important place or person make you important? It does!

You have received a call from an important place and an important person. You have been called by the King of Heaven Himself. He knows your name and has identified you as His own. How does that knowledge permeate your life? Does a desire to honor the One who called you motivate your decisions?

Think about it. YOU have been called, not by the White House, but by God Himself. GOD. Called YOU! Called ME! When such greatness and goodness reaches out to such smallness and weakness it's hard to fully comprehend all the implications.

What Defines Me?

May 27, 2023 Cathleen Zahradnik

It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Ephesians 1:11 MSG

What criteria do you use to define your own existence? That’s a big question! Do you know the answer?

How do you find out who you are? What criteria do you use? Is it what other people say or have said about you? Is it public acclamation or your accomplishments? Is it the opportunities that you may have received or not received? Perhaps you define yourself by your good behavior or religious activity. I can say that was my story. Yet, none of those things are what God uses to define us.

In this grand adventure of life with God, we often think of our life with God as what we do FOR Him— our devotional activity, our acts of service. But what God really wants from us is to understand that our life WITH Him isn't really about those things. What it IS about is knowing and living in our identity in Christ.

Ephesians 1: 11 in The Message translation of the Bible says that "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for." God wants you and me to be defined by our relationship with Him rather than all the other things that we seek out to tell us who we are.

As you consider what defines you, ask yourself, “Am I finding out who I am in Christ?” What criteria are you using to define yourself?

Who Am I?

December 17, 2022 Cathleen Zahradnik

'Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ' Colossians 3:12

You stand in front of the mirror. The face looking back at you is familiar, but how do you describe the person that you see? What defines you? Who are you? How do you answer that question, my friend?

That may be an easy question, but then again it may not be. My younger self was defined by the expectations of other people. My greatest fear was making the wrong decision or disappointing someone else. My identity was based on avoiding conflict. I didn’t really know who I was. I let what other people thought define me. I was afraid to voice my opinion. Afraid to express my own needs and wants. Afraid of failing. Afraid of rejection. Afraid to be me and unsure of who that person was.

Do you know who you are? A strong sense of identity will settle you. You won’t be as heavily influenced by others or by the media. Knowing who you are brings peace and confidence. You are who God says you are. Do you know who God says you are?

Happily Ever After? Really?

July 23, 2022 Cathleen Zahradnik

I have loved you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

I was 14. He was almost 18. It was my first "real" relationship. I remember the moment he said "I love you. And I've never said that to anyone before!" I believed him. He believed himself. We were happy. What else would we be?!

It lasted almost a year. An eternity as far as teenage relationships go! When it ended there was no amicable separation or catastrophic blowout. I saw him kissing someone else. He knew it and stopped calling. I was cast aside. His love for me had come to an end. Where was the happy ending every romantic movie, book, or fairy tale promised me? Was it my fault? Was I not lovable?

Romantic love. It seems like everyone wants it. It certainly is big business, but is it good business? Does it promise something it can’t deliver? Romantic love sells products, movies, and experiences. An entire TV channel is devoted to romantic movies! Every single one has a happy ending. But it doesn’t really happen, does it? You've been hurt by the fractured fairy tale, just as I have been. If we all know that "happily ever after" isn't reality, then what is it in us that cries out for love that lasts forever?

Experts recognize that the need to be loved is basic to every human being. If that is so, then there can only be one reason: We are God-wired for love. Why? Because you and I are made to be loved by Him. he has hard-wired us to want to be loved unconditionally, unceasingly, and unapologetically. The problem is that, as in so many other areas of life, we look for that need to be met in an earthly and natural way, rather than in a heavenly and supernatural way.

Are You Worth The Risk?

July 9, 2022 Cathleen Zahradnik

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. Ephesians 1:5

What could have been one of my most terrifying childhood memories has become one of my most treasured moments because someone decided I was worth it.

At ten years old I was already comfortable swimming in the deep end of the pool. In fact, I loved it! One of my favorite games with a friend was to push ourselves from the surface to the bottom of the pool and then back up. We had spent summer mornings at swimming lessons for the past several years. I knew my way around the water and had a great time splashing, swimming, and playing water games.

My dad has always wanted to see as much of the world as he can. When you have a family, traveling can be cost-prohibitive, but Dad found that renting a camper for our summer vacations gave us the opportunity to go further on a smaller budget. One of his favorite activities was planning our itinerary and determining which new places we would visit.

My ten-year-old summer we took our first trip to the Midwest to visit with some college friends of Mom and Dad. They had a really cool house with a gas fireplace that opened into the rooms on either side of it. For someone who had never seen a gas fireplace before it was awesome! The house was situated in a community that had a pool and tennis courts and other recreational activities.

One afternoon we all went to the rec center, Mom and Dad, their friends, their friends' kids, my siblings, and me. We kids had no complaints about playing in the pool while the adults watched tennis in an adjoining area. The adults were within easy distance of the kids but didn't feel the need to be watching us every moment. We were all old enough and comfortable enough in the water.

This pool had something that made it especially enticing: A water slide! Our family had a pool, but not a slide. Every one of us got in line for turn after turn, sliding and splashing into the water. We relished the excitement of whishing down the slippery slide, hanging in the humid air, and then plunging into the cool, chlorinated wet.

I had been down the slide a number of times without incident. But this time when I hit the water, I became disoriented and couldn't find which way was up. The taste of chlorine filled my mouth. I was flailing my arms trying to find my floating balance and heard myself making unintelligible noises. "Help!" I realized it was my voice calling out.

Through my panicked splashing, I saw my Dad turn and start running toward me. Before anyone had time to think, he dove into the water, fully dressed — glasses, watch, sneakers, and all — and pulled me to the side of the pool. We both got out dripping, and out of breath.

Where You Were Is Not Where You Are

June 18, 2022 Cathleen Zahradnik

'For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead. ' Colossians 2:12

When I look back on certain times in my life, I can feel the blush begin to burn in my cheeks. No one else would notice it, but I feel like I want to crawl under my bed or disappear completely. Do you ever feel that way? I remember things I said or things I did that I would never do now. I wish I could go back and just relive that whole circumstance from my current perspective. I would have made completely different choices and saved myself a lot of grief. I would have saved the people around me some grief as well. What about you?

I hate that squirmy feeling! But when those memories surface, and they are going to surface for all of us, I need to stop and remember something. That old life is gone! I have trusted in the power of God through Jesus Christ and from the moment I did that, my life has been different.

So, should I completely forget my past? Should you? Then those blush-making memories would disappear, right? None of us like to feel that uncomfortable feeling! But what if you and I allowed those crawl-in-a-hole memories to lead us somewhere else? What if we actually took the time to recall and reflect? How can those memories lead us forward? What if remembering your old life could lead to compassion for others, recognition of your own growth and gratefulness to God for your new life?

All You Need Is Love?

May 21, 2022 Cathleen Zahradnik

“May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“All you need is love.” So sang the Beatles. “What the world needs now is love, sweet love.” Maybe you are too young to remember that one. I used to know every word of so many songs that were on the radio. Maybe you know a few, too! Popular songs are full of a desire for love, a recognition of the need for love. It’s true: Individuals need love; the world needs love. But, as many songs declare, finding love is illusive. We know we need it, but don't really know how to get it. And, if observation is accurate, we spend more energy trying to figure out how to get love than how to give it.

Yes, love is central to life, but love isn’t primarily something we are supposed to get. It’s something we are supposed to give. Jesus gave his disciples a command to love one another. He said that the world would know those who belong to Him by the way they love each other. (John 13:34-35) That’s a command to love. Not a command to search for love. The command to give love is the primary directive. Yet, it’s been twisted into the main thing everyone is searching for. What if we turned our focus to giving love rather than getting it? In the current culture wouldn’t that immediately establish us as different? In a world where everyone is looking for love (“in all the wrong places”, as a popular country song once said), what if the identifying factor of Christians was that we gave love away rather than seeking it for ourselves?

Faultless? That’s You!

April 30, 2022 Cathleen Zahradnik

'Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. ' Colossians 1:22

Have you ever heard the term “analysis paralysis”? Just in case you haven’t, it means analyzing a problem so thoroughly that you never make a decision. I can fall into this trap. In my attempt to make the best possible decision I try to make sure that I have examined all possible decisions. “ALL possible decisions” isn’t really the best way to go, is it? Could it be possible that pondering all the possibilities isn’t about deciding at all? Could it be that analyzing all angles is really an avoidance tactic? A way to stall actually deciding? Um…maybe…I’ll have to ponder that.

Fear of making a mistake has been one of the issues that has often paralyzed me. For most of my life I wasn’t aware of it, but I would say that fear of making a mistake is probably my number one fear. The only problem is that there is no way to avoid making mistakes. It’s part of the human experience, part of living in a fallen, imperfect world. You and I will make mistakes and we can’t let that fear be the controlling factor in our lives.

So, what do we do about it? How do we get past fear of making mistakes? How do we overcome the lie that making a mistake is an indication that we are not worthy of love? We remember that in Jesus we are faultless.

September 12, 2026

This is Not Forever

“For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NLT

As I tearfully opened the sodden boxes of our stored belongings, wondering what was ruined, a verse came to mind,

“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” Matthew 6:19-21 NLT

We were temporarily living with my parents, and our stuff was stored in Tom’s parents' garage. They had a plumbing issue in their bathroom above the garage, causing a leak that soaked several of our boxes and other items, including our mattress. We weren’t sure what was salvageable.

That period of time was already difficult. We were waiting for a job to open up and unsure how long that would take, how long we would be living with my parents, how long our stuff would be stored. Both sets of parents had been patient, loving, and gracious. There was no one to blame for the water damage. Sometimes things just happen.

But when that verse popped into my brain, it completely changed my perspective on going through the damage. The tears didn’t stop. There was some mourning and disappointment. But at the same time, there was hope. This was temporary. These things were just things. What really mattered was how I responded. I could choose an eternal perspective. I could choose to treasure Christ more than an earthly possession.

As it turned out, very few of our things were unsalvageable, and insurance more than covered anything that was lost. But the eternal perspective I gained is a treasure that I still carry. That simple shift helped me through the three and a half years of living in the in-between.