What triggers anger in you? There’s a lot to be angry about right now. Things haven’t gone the way anyone expected. Even though businesses are starting to reopen, nothing is the same. Nothing is the way that you and I are used to. It’s uncomfortable. Do respond with anger to having to wear a mask to Walmart? Or to wait in line even to enter? Or maybe you are like me and tend to be angry at people who refuse to wear a mask or complain about any restrictions. Maybe you are angry because you had to cancel your vacation because there are too many hoops to jump through just to prove that you are healthy enough to travel. Or you are angry because your kids have already been home for months with school being closed and you didn't feel like the district handled things well, or your kids didn’t handle it well, or....you didn’t handle it well. Perhaps you are angry because your church re-opened but limited capacity to 25% and you missed the cut and didn't get to attend. Or your church hasn’t opened and you think it should.
Yes, there are a lot of things that could trigger anger in regard to our current health crisis.
But there are other things that could be touching an angry place in you. You may be angry at the way you have been treated by society because of your ethnicity or your gender. How do you handle that anger? The murder of George Floyd has sparked tremendous anger, rage even, that has ignited rioting and looting, shouting and demanding, name-calling and pointing fingers. Many protests have honorably remained peaceful, but there is always enough anger bubbling under the surface to boil over if the right conditions encourage it. Then that anger becomes dangerous to everyone.
Anger is an appropriate response to injustice, but how are you handling it? What are you doing with it?
Anger was the primary expression of emotion I saw growing up, it scared me and I didn't want to be like that. Let me explain. If you have taken time to think about it, you have probably noticed that for some people, anger is the way they express almost everything. Fear comes out as anger. Hurt comes out as anger. Frustration, rejection are all experienced in the form of anger. That is what I saw as a child. It frightened me, made me feel insecure and caused me to want to protect myself. I tried to protect myself by avoiding that anger. I would try to do everything “right” so that anger wouldn’t explode on me. Let me say that this expression of anger was vocal, not physical, and not particularly abusive in choice of words. Just loud and unsettling to my sensitive kid spirit. Even now I prefer strings to electric guitar when it comes to sound. That aspect of my personality made it difficult for me to navigate loud. I still don’t like loud. So, I worked hard to avoid that loud anger.
What about you? How did you see anger expressed? What did you learn from that? Anger is an important aspect of our lives, but most of us have never really thought about or been taught healthy ways to handle anger. We either let it take over or we treat the anger itself as a sin and try to avoid it at all costs. That’s the way I used to handle anger. But I have been learning to look at it differently.
When you and I are angry, and anger itself is not a sin, it is natural to focus on the person or situation that has triggered the anger. But anger comes from inside you and me. Nothing forces you to get angry, but a trigger from outside sparks anger inside. So the real question is “What does this anger say about me? And what does God want me to do with it?”
Be angry. It is okay to be angry. The Scripture does not forbid anger. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry and do not sin." Being angry is a normal part of being human. Anger is an indication that I feel like something wrong has happened. Anger is an indicator and is most often a secondary emotion.
Since loud expressions of anger scared me I didn’t want to be angry because I thought angry meant loud yelling. But that isn’t the only way to be angry, is it? I didn’t think I was an angry person until I had a two-year-old. That’s when I began to recognize the anger in me. I didn’t yell, but I noticed the tension, the tight lips and the desire to make this little human being do what I wanted him to do by any means possible. What did it show me about me? My need to control this little person and my inability to do so because of his unique individuality and autonomy, given him by God, by the way. I quickly realized that I needed God’s help to love my son well.
In the case of my two-year-old, the wrong that I felt was happening was that he was not doing what I thought he should be doing, like doing what I said, or taking a nap, or sitting still. That sounds silly compared to all the injustice that causes anger, but at the core of much anger is the desire for things to go in a certain way — let’s just call it what it is, a desire to control — and anger rises up when it doesn't go my way. Anger is meant to cause us to act on injustice, against sin. The Scriptures describe God getting angry at sin. Therefore, it isn’t a sin to be angry. But what do I do with my anger?
Do not sin. The New Living Translation of Ephesians 4:26 says, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” When you are angry does it take over? What scared me about being angry at my little boy was that I knew that if I let the anger take over I could hurt him, either verbally or physically, in my attempts to make him do what I thought he should be doing. If I let that anger control me, the result would cause damage, because sin always causes damage. Is that what you want from your anger?
Anger is a complicated emotion, but let’s think of it as a message rather than a feeling. It’s a message to you, not to those around you. My challenge to you, Dear Friend, is to find out what the message is and deal with that. Let your anger lead you to positive action rather than letting it lead you to sin. Let it lead you inside to deal with the triggering emotions, the hurt, fear, the desire to control. Learn to recognize it and go below the surface with God. Then let Him lead you to the proper action, the proper way to deal with your anger. Sometimes it is simply an internal change that is needed. A shift in attitude. A release of an offense. Allowing God to heal a hurt. Sometimes it is meant to lead you to action on behalf of another, to battle injustice, to speak for those who can not speak for themselves or to stand with those whose voices have been ignored. When that is the case, let your action be born of conviction, not emotion.
I am praying for you, Dear Friend, that God will help you to recognize your anger, acknowledge it, learn from it and act appropriately. Be blessed, dear friend. Be angry. Don’t let it lead to sin.
Key thought: Let your anger lead you to God, not sin.
Scripture: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,” Ephesians 4:26 ESV
A YES Challenge: Take a few minutes with God and consider together what your anger looks like. What makes you angry? How do you recognize it? How do you express it? Go with God into what is under your anger. As He reveals the hurt or fear or desire to control, ask Him how He wants you to handle your anger. Thank Him for His presence and ask Him for His strength to change.
Prayer: Lord, I haven’t always recognized my anger as a problem. I have let it control me in more ways than I care to admit, but I don’t want anger to lead me into sin. Help me to recognize, acknowledge, and grapple with the things that make me angry and then lead me into an appropriate way to deal with them. Amen.
