Change Your Perspective. Change Your Life.

February 1, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What’s the biggest transition you have ever gone through? Have you ever traced the threads that lead to the beginning of that shift? If you follow the chain backwards there is no doubt that you will find every change starts with a decision. But along the path there are other decisions that need to be made and those choices shape your experience.

Pat Zahradnik was one of the friendliest people you would ever want to meet. When she went into the bank, she was on a first-name basis with the tellers. She had a quick smile, a friendly wave and a warm greeting for the people in her circle of acquaintance. When it came time to move her out of her apartment in Fishkill, NY the ladies in the office cried to say good-bye because they loved her so much. She was more than just a tenant to them. She had become a friend. I can understand that. She was my mother-in-law and I miss her every day.

Moving Mom out of her apartment was a really big job. The transition began with the decision that taking care of her small home and finances had become too much for her so we had moved her into an independent living home. We moved her with what she needed and then we tackled everything that was left in the apartment. Tom’s siblings lived out of town and out of state and, although they were all supportive of the decision, they were unable to help, which left the two of us with a bigger job than we were up for.

Be The Best You

January 26, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

My mother says that she could hear me practicing words in my crib before I ever said them. Can you imagine?! Even as a toddler I had a desire to do my best. There has always been something in me that desired excellence. That sounds admirable at first, but there is a catch. I have never handled my own mistakes very well. I have often been overwhelmed and mired in perfectionism. Anything less than perfect has seemed like failure. Does that describe you? Are you somewhere between longing for excellence and falling short of perfection feeling like a failure? Maybe you have even given up trying to strive for excellence because you can’t be perfect. I get it! I always want to be better than I am. I want to be the best version of myself. Better inside. Better outside. But, I often feel unable to attain that. I know that I fall far short of being the best me.

it can be hard to accept our own inability to do our best at any given time.When I was in high school, I was a drama kid. The school theater was my home away from home. I spent half my time in high school in rehearsals for one play or another. But I remember a particular rehearsal for the musical Guys and Dollswhen I wasn’t feeling well and was unable to give a song my “best”. I mean the best that I could give at that moment was less than performance level. My voice was hoarse and I really couldn’t sing because of a cold. This was unacceptable to me and I fell to pieces right there on the rehearsal stage. My real trouble: I couldn’t do it perfectly. My pride required perfection and I could not accept my own human weakness at that moment. The “best” I was able to give wasn’t good enough. I could not discern the difference between a desire for excellence and the need for perfection. Good enough was simply never good enough.

So, how did I begin to break free of perfectionism and start learning what was really my “best”?

You Never Know What’s Around the Bend

January 19, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

Things hadn’t gone as I had hoped or expected. I was disappointed and discouraged. I was not really willing to admit that I was downright mad at God and that was blocking my relationship with Him. My spiritual walk was stagnated. I was becoming a bitter person full of self-pity because my dreams had not come true the way that I had hoped.

I was on a women’s retreat with my church when I felt led to take a walk in the woods. I felt as if the Holy Spirit was saying, “Take this path.” So I did. The path led up a hill and as the way became steeper I stooped to choose a walking stick for some leverage. The sun was peeking through the trees. There was a light breeze. Leaves crunched under my feet while I could smell the warm spring earth. I was very aware of my surroundings and attentively listening for the whispering of the Spirit. As I crept up the arduous hill I kept my eyes toward the top. I was anxious to be off this incline! A few steps away from the crest of the hill I felt the Spirit whisper,”Stop here.” It didn’t seem to make sense when I was almost to the top, but I did.

Who Is That In The Mirror?

January 12, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What do you do when you find yourself in a place that you never wanted to be? What do you do when your choices have led you into a cavern of darkness? Maybe you find yourself far away from God or from the relationship you once had with Him. Perhaps your family relationships are damaged. When you step back and take a look at yourself in the mirror you wonder who that person is looking back at you. “How did I get here?” You hate who you’ve become, but you feel trapped.

“Can I really change the way I have been thinking, feeling and acting?”

“Will those I have hurt along this path forgive me and accept me back into their lives?”

“Will God really forgive me? Will He really help me?”

“How do I get out of this?”

If that is you, then please know that you are not alone. Many have felt that sense of despondency at who they have become and feel like their past has eaten up their future. Through our association with the Hoving Home in Garrison, New York, I have witnessed the transformation of women whose stories are unbelievably sad, even tawdry. Many have done things to maintain their drug or alcohol habits that you and I might blush to speak of. But when the Hoving Home choir travels to different venues, the main purpose is not to sing, but to share their testimonies of transformation.

New Year, New...You?

January 5, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What is it about the turning of a calendar page that makes us all think that it’s time to turn over a new leaf? Gym memberships are sold. Resolutions are written. Calendars are filled with plans. “This year will be different. This year I’ll finally...” lose that weight, finish that project, get that new job, improve that relationship, get that new...whatever. What is it about a new year that makes us believe, not only that we should change, but that we can change? A new year seems to fill us with hope that the change that didn’t happen last year can happen this year. Why are we all looking for a change? Because we really do need it.

We are all innately aware that something within us is not as it should be. You know what I mean. Even when life is at its most right, our internal sensors are looking for more. When we slow down enough to be honest with ourselves, there is a question that is always hanging in the air. A sense that something is missing. Because there is. We were created for perfection and no matter how wonderful life is at any given moment, we never achieve the perfection that will satisfy us completely. Why is that? The perfection we were made for will only take place when we live in the presence of our Creator forever with no earthly hindrances. We were created for heaven, and even the best life here will not resolve that longing. Since most of us travel through life completely unaware of this truth and, yet, are aware of the lack, we attempt a variety of ways to fix it. We make resolutions and plans to change.

Repost: Start The New Year With A One Word Challenge

December 29, 2018 Cathleen Zahradnik

In the past I had made it a practice to create a list of goals at the beginning of every new year. I found it helpful and focusing. Maybe you have, too. By the end of the year, some of the goals were completed while others were still hanging out there and got transferred to the goal list for the next year. It wasn’t a perfect system, but it helped me to start the year purposefully. Having the goals written down on an index card I used as a bookmark in my journal kept them before me throughout the year and helped me to refocus when necessary. I appreciated being able to review the card at the end of the year and see some progress.

A few years ago I came across a devotion in the YouVersion Bible app that challenged readers to choose one word to focus on rather than create a list of goals.The idea intrigued me, so I downloaded the guide and began the prayerful process of choosing one word to focus on. The objective was to allow God to show me an area I needed to grow in and focus on that through my one word.

As Long As There’s Christmas, There’s Hope

December 22, 2018 Cathleen Zahradnik

Don’t you think that the Christmas season inspires more creativity than any other season of the year? There are multitudes of songs, stories, poems and plays. There are also a myriad of movies and TV specials. In an attempt to make money off of a movie’s popularity, film companies will often create a special Christmas offering. Notice that I didn’t say that all that creativity is actually “inspired.” Many of these works are admittedly forgettable. But there is one presentation you might not know about that always touches my heart.

One of my favorite movies is the 1991 Disney film, Beauty and the Beast. It was the first full length animated film to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. Not only was it popular, it really is an excellent film. Disney made lots of money in spinoff projects, one of which was Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas.

The action is set in the middle of the original storyline during the winter while the Beast and Belle are becoming firiends and starting to fall in love before the enchantment is broken. Belle wants to celebrate Christmas which the Beast has forbidden. Her efforts are brought to a halt by the Beast but, of course, in the end he comes around and a joyful Christmas is celebrated on their journey toward an ultimate happy ending.

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas is a musical offering and there is one song that so captures the spiritual essence of the holiday that I find it often in my head. The lyric that says it all is this:

“As long as there’s Christmas I truly believe that hope is the greatest of the gifts we’ll receive.”

Do You Need A Christmas Candle?

December 15, 2018 Cathleen Zahradnik

A light coating of snow makes everything more beautiful as she drives down colorfully lighted streets. The warmth of the scene contradicts the iciness of her heart. It may be Christmas joy around her, but inside it’s like the day of a loved one’s funeral. Heavy, cold, overwhelming sorrow. How can she even face the joyful smiles of the friends and coworkers who have no idea of her heartache? What can she do just to make it through a season that is supposed to be happy when she is overwhelmed with sadness? What can she do?

Perhaps that describes you or someone you love this season. Often the excitement and celebration of the holidays contrasts with what we really feel. We might feel guilty admitting that our burdens prompt us to avoid the joy and celebration. There is a feeling of “should”:

I should feel happy.

I should be over this.

I should do all the things I normally do, but I am having a hard time being motivated.

I should be rejoicing, but I just want to cry.

What do we do with all those shoulds?

Which Way Is Home?!

December 8, 2018 Cathleen Zahradnik

What do you do when you don’t know which way to go? Can you really trust GPS? I can tell you from experience, GPS works!

I was caught in my car trying to get home and had no idea how I was going to get there. I had traveled alone to a Pennsylvania destination three hours from home for a baby shower. It was a stormy summer Saturday, but the room was full of happy chatter and no one paid much attention to the weather, even when multiple cellphones vibrated with a weather alert at the same time. I, with at least a dozen other ladies, read that there was a flood warning and put my phone away, directing my attention back to the celebration. After helping to clean up, I decided it was time to get on the road,

The Northeast Extension of the Pennsylvania Turnpike is not one of my favorite roads. I had tried to avoid it on multiple occasions, but had come to the conclusion that it was still the best route home, so I began the trek and looked forward to when I would be off that stretch of road. My exit from that route came much sooner than expected!

The heavy rain had cause a landslide closing a section of the highway and diverting all traffic off of 476, the NorthEast Extension. Every vehicle was forced off at exit 44. Dozens of cars were deposited on Rt. 663 and, like me, probably began to depend on GPS to get them to their destination. The problem was that GPS didn’t take into account roads that were closed because of flooding. As a result, I found myself in a long line of cars that were inching along back roads lined with cornfields and homes with no clear end in sight.

Confidently Expect the Light

December 1, 2018 Cathleen Zahradnik

My husband and I recently took a train to New York City. For many years we had traveled the beautiful Hudson Line along its namesake river and the turns, tunnels and stops had become familiar. This was our first time on the Port Jervis Line which originates in our little city of Port Jervis and travels through a totally different landscape than what we had been through before. I always love looking out the window to take in the changing scenery. The views along the Hudson Line had often been breathtaking. I wondered what we would see on our new venture.

When you don’t know what to expect, you don’t know what to look for. We traveled through woods and open fields and stopped at small stations in the middle of nowhere. Occasionally, the view would open into a beautiful vista, but in general there was a great deal of sameness to what I saw surrounding us. I settled into the rhythm of what seemed would be the rest of our trip. All of a sudden we entered total blackness. We continued to move forward. Our speed didn’t change, but there was nothing in view. We seemed to simply be floating in the void. No proof that we would ever come out of the black. It came upon me unexpectedly. I wasn’t prepared for the darkness and as we continued through it I began to feel trapped. It seemed like we had been in this emptiness for so long. Where was the daylight? When would we see it again? I reminded myself that there was a definite point of entrance into this black and there would be a definite exit. We were still continuing on the track, still headed toward our destination and the gray that had turned into black would transition to blue sky again. I began to look with expectation for the glimmer of light that would signal our emergence from the tunnel. The trapped feeling began to lift as I regained my confidence that this tunnel would end and we would re-enter the daylight.

Life is like that, isn’t it? We are traveling along and all of a sudden darkness overtakes us and we wonder when we will ever see light again.