When You Don’t Know What To Do, Know Who You Are Doing It For

February 23, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

Peer pressure. I think peer pressure is at it’s worst in middle school. I not only lived through that labyrinth myself, I observed it for ten years as an employee of a public middle school. I attended middle school in the late 1970’s, a time af great social change and national insecurity. But middle school was still middle school.

One outgrowth of that period in history was a move toward a more casual society. Whereas, previous generations dressed up to go to school, my generation was wearing jeans. (When I worked in the middle school the slide continued and some kids even wore pajamas!) My mom, as a member of the previous generation, was resolute for a long time that I would not be allowed to wear jeans to school. I not only had to wear skirts, but knee socks with skirts! I was already a shy and awkward girl who loved reading and actually liked school. This put me in the lowest social strata, but dressing like an old lady sunk my social standing even further. All I wanted was to fit in and maybe even be accepted by at lease one cool kid, or even gain a notice from the cutest, coolest boy in homeroom. I pleaded with my mom and, eventually, I was allowed to wear jeans. My relaxed wardrobe didn’t garner any cool-kid friends, but at least I could blend in with the crowd and was less of a target for ridicule. My pressure to be a “peer” was reduced and my need for acceptance was quieted, temporarily.

When You Don’t Know What To Do, Know Who You Want to Be

February 16, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

When I think about who I wanted to be, I can’t not write about Sharon. It didn’t take long after I became a Jesus-follower for me to decide who I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be like Sharon. Sharon was my friend’s mother, my pastor’s wife and my mentor. She didn’t know she was my mentor, but mentors aren’t always people you get together with and ask questions of. Sometimes they are simply the people you look up to who show you who you want to be. I wanted to be like Sharon. She was a loving, passionate woman of God. She knew the Scriptures and taught them well. She encouraged and inspired other women to live whole-heartedly for God. She was gracious and had a warm smile added to her gentle Southern drawl that made people feel comfortable and welcomed.

I wanted to be like Sharon so I began to model my behavior after her, or at least I thought I did.

When You Don’t Know What To Do, Know Where To Go

February 9, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

Fog. It’s inevitable and unavoidable. The only way to avoid traveling through fog is to suspend your journey, but sometimes you really have no choice. You just have to go through it. Right? In order to get to our home town we have to drive over a mountain. Sometimes simply following the road up will lead you right into fog. There’s nothing you can do about it. There is no other way to go, no way to avoid the mountain, no way to avoid the fog. One of our mountain roads is curvy and lined with woods. Even on clear days nighttime driving over that mountain can be eerie, but in the fog any familiar landmarks are completely obscured. I can’t tell where I am and am unsure that I am headed in the right direction. Our other mountain road is highway up and down a steep incline. In clear weather you can see for miles, but in fog, nothing. It doesn’t even seem like the same road. All I can do is trust what I know and keep going until the fog lifts or until road signs confirm that I have arrived at my destination.

Dear friend, your life may seem a bit foggy right now. Like fog on the road, disillusion and disappointment may be clouding your vision. Things haven’t worked out the way you planned or the way you expected. People you love have hurt you with their words, attitudes and choices. The landmark events you were looking toward are no longer visible. How do you keep going? How do you recalibrate your life to keep moving forward through this fog? How do you know what to do next?

Change Your Perspective. Change Your Life.

February 1, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What’s the biggest transition you have ever gone through? Have you ever traced the threads that lead to the beginning of that shift? If you follow the chain backwards there is no doubt that you will find every change starts with a decision. But along the path there are other decisions that need to be made and those choices shape your experience.

Pat Zahradnik was one of the friendliest people you would ever want to meet. When she went into the bank, she was on a first-name basis with the tellers. She had a quick smile, a friendly wave and a warm greeting for the people in her circle of acquaintance. When it came time to move her out of her apartment in Fishkill, NY the ladies in the office cried to say good-bye because they loved her so much. She was more than just a tenant to them. She had become a friend. I can understand that. She was my mother-in-law and I miss her every day.

Moving Mom out of her apartment was a really big job. The transition began with the decision that taking care of her small home and finances had become too much for her so we had moved her into an independent living home. We moved her with what she needed and then we tackled everything that was left in the apartment. Tom’s siblings lived out of town and out of state and, although they were all supportive of the decision, they were unable to help, which left the two of us with a bigger job than we were up for.

Be The Best You

January 26, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

My mother says that she could hear me practicing words in my crib before I ever said them. Can you imagine?! Even as a toddler I had a desire to do my best. There has always been something in me that desired excellence. That sounds admirable at first, but there is a catch. I have never handled my own mistakes very well. I have often been overwhelmed and mired in perfectionism. Anything less than perfect has seemed like failure. Does that describe you? Are you somewhere between longing for excellence and falling short of perfection feeling like a failure? Maybe you have even given up trying to strive for excellence because you can’t be perfect. I get it! I always want to be better than I am. I want to be the best version of myself. Better inside. Better outside. But, I often feel unable to attain that. I know that I fall far short of being the best me.

it can be hard to accept our own inability to do our best at any given time.When I was in high school, I was a drama kid. The school theater was my home away from home. I spent half my time in high school in rehearsals for one play or another. But I remember a particular rehearsal for the musical Guys and Dollswhen I wasn’t feeling well and was unable to give a song my “best”. I mean the best that I could give at that moment was less than performance level. My voice was hoarse and I really couldn’t sing because of a cold. This was unacceptable to me and I fell to pieces right there on the rehearsal stage. My real trouble: I couldn’t do it perfectly. My pride required perfection and I could not accept my own human weakness at that moment. The “best” I was able to give wasn’t good enough. I could not discern the difference between a desire for excellence and the need for perfection. Good enough was simply never good enough.

So, how did I begin to break free of perfectionism and start learning what was really my “best”?

You Never Know What’s Around the Bend

January 19, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

Things hadn’t gone as I had hoped or expected. I was disappointed and discouraged. I was not really willing to admit that I was downright mad at God and that was blocking my relationship with Him. My spiritual walk was stagnated. I was becoming a bitter person full of self-pity because my dreams had not come true the way that I had hoped.

I was on a women’s retreat with my church when I felt led to take a walk in the woods. I felt as if the Holy Spirit was saying, “Take this path.” So I did. The path led up a hill and as the way became steeper I stooped to choose a walking stick for some leverage. The sun was peeking through the trees. There was a light breeze. Leaves crunched under my feet while I could smell the warm spring earth. I was very aware of my surroundings and attentively listening for the whispering of the Spirit. As I crept up the arduous hill I kept my eyes toward the top. I was anxious to be off this incline! A few steps away from the crest of the hill I felt the Spirit whisper,”Stop here.” It didn’t seem to make sense when I was almost to the top, but I did.

Who Is That In The Mirror?

January 12, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What do you do when you find yourself in a place that you never wanted to be? What do you do when your choices have led you into a cavern of darkness? Maybe you find yourself far away from God or from the relationship you once had with Him. Perhaps your family relationships are damaged. When you step back and take a look at yourself in the mirror you wonder who that person is looking back at you. “How did I get here?” You hate who you’ve become, but you feel trapped.

“Can I really change the way I have been thinking, feeling and acting?”

“Will those I have hurt along this path forgive me and accept me back into their lives?”

“Will God really forgive me? Will He really help me?”

“How do I get out of this?”

If that is you, then please know that you are not alone. Many have felt that sense of despondency at who they have become and feel like their past has eaten up their future. Through our association with the Hoving Home in Garrison, New York, I have witnessed the transformation of women whose stories are unbelievably sad, even tawdry. Many have done things to maintain their drug or alcohol habits that you and I might blush to speak of. But when the Hoving Home choir travels to different venues, the main purpose is not to sing, but to share their testimonies of transformation.

New Year, New...You?

January 5, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What is it about the turning of a calendar page that makes us all think that it’s time to turn over a new leaf? Gym memberships are sold. Resolutions are written. Calendars are filled with plans. “This year will be different. This year I’ll finally...” lose that weight, finish that project, get that new job, improve that relationship, get that new...whatever. What is it about a new year that makes us believe, not only that we should change, but that we can change? A new year seems to fill us with hope that the change that didn’t happen last year can happen this year. Why are we all looking for a change? Because we really do need it.

We are all innately aware that something within us is not as it should be. You know what I mean. Even when life is at its most right, our internal sensors are looking for more. When we slow down enough to be honest with ourselves, there is a question that is always hanging in the air. A sense that something is missing. Because there is. We were created for perfection and no matter how wonderful life is at any given moment, we never achieve the perfection that will satisfy us completely. Why is that? The perfection we were made for will only take place when we live in the presence of our Creator forever with no earthly hindrances. We were created for heaven, and even the best life here will not resolve that longing. Since most of us travel through life completely unaware of this truth and, yet, are aware of the lack, we attempt a variety of ways to fix it. We make resolutions and plans to change.

Repost: Start The New Year With A One Word Challenge

December 29, 2018 Cathleen Zahradnik

In the past I had made it a practice to create a list of goals at the beginning of every new year. I found it helpful and focusing. Maybe you have, too. By the end of the year, some of the goals were completed while others were still hanging out there and got transferred to the goal list for the next year. It wasn’t a perfect system, but it helped me to start the year purposefully. Having the goals written down on an index card I used as a bookmark in my journal kept them before me throughout the year and helped me to refocus when necessary. I appreciated being able to review the card at the end of the year and see some progress.

A few years ago I came across a devotion in the YouVersion Bible app that challenged readers to choose one word to focus on rather than create a list of goals.The idea intrigued me, so I downloaded the guide and began the prayerful process of choosing one word to focus on. The objective was to allow God to show me an area I needed to grow in and focus on that through my one word.

As Long As There’s Christmas, There’s Hope

December 22, 2018 Cathleen Zahradnik

Don’t you think that the Christmas season inspires more creativity than any other season of the year? There are multitudes of songs, stories, poems and plays. There are also a myriad of movies and TV specials. In an attempt to make money off of a movie’s popularity, film companies will often create a special Christmas offering. Notice that I didn’t say that all that creativity is actually “inspired.” Many of these works are admittedly forgettable. But there is one presentation you might not know about that always touches my heart.

One of my favorite movies is the 1991 Disney film, Beauty and the Beast. It was the first full length animated film to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. Not only was it popular, it really is an excellent film. Disney made lots of money in spinoff projects, one of which was Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas.

The action is set in the middle of the original storyline during the winter while the Beast and Belle are becoming firiends and starting to fall in love before the enchantment is broken. Belle wants to celebrate Christmas which the Beast has forbidden. Her efforts are brought to a halt by the Beast but, of course, in the end he comes around and a joyful Christmas is celebrated on their journey toward an ultimate happy ending.

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas is a musical offering and there is one song that so captures the spiritual essence of the holiday that I find it often in my head. The lyric that says it all is this:

“As long as there’s Christmas I truly believe that hope is the greatest of the gifts we’ll receive.”

August 15, 2026

How to Win the War Within (Repost)

'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ' Colossians 3:1-2

You’ve left the room, but the argument is not over. Your thoughts are stuck in a loop. The same hurtful exchange of words flashes across your mind over and over and over. You can’t seem to reset your inner replay. All the emotions that should have stayed in that room follow you everywhere you go. Hurt and anger continue to shout in your ears. Your heart rate is through the roof. Hot anger rises in your flushed face. The war is far from over.

Your inner screening room then begins playing out possible outcomes for a future exchange. You don’t really know what will happen, but your mind is already strategizing your next offensive in the war of words. Your emotions rise and fall with every imagined interaction. When you hurl an imagined barb at your intended target proud and triumphant vindictiveness rises to the surface. You feel all the emotions of a situation that hasn’t really happened and then you carry that resentment into the next conversation which turns into another altercation. Your emotions have become attached to an unreality. Nothing actually happened before you walked into the room. Do you truly want to spend your emotional energy on something that isn’t even real?