Does God Really Want To Use Me?

March 9, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

Have you ever been so afraid of making the wrong decision that you do nothing? That was my modus operandi for years.

One time as a teenager I had the opportunity to go to a conference on leading music in church. At the time I was a member of a music team at a denominational church and was being groomed to become the leader. Yes, I WAS a teenager. The thought of stepping into a leadership position was paralyzing. I had trouble making even small decisions. How was I going to be a leader?

I had never been to anything like that conference before, so the whole experience was new and a bit overwhelming. The conference included lunch in the college cafeteria where the event was being held. We could choose anything and it was okay. Hot lunch, cold sandwiches, salads, fruit, desserts. Whatever I wanted. As much as I wanted. For some people that may sound like heaven but, I was overwhelmed. Too many choices became a fear of making the wrong choice. I wandered through the aisles longer than anyone else on our team and finally sat down with two things on my tray. I don’t even remember what they were. Whatever they were, I couldn’t enjoy ithem. Did I make the right choice? What if I missed something better?

Fear of making a wrong decision clouded my ability simply to choose lunch! How was I ever going to become a leader?

Real Life Is Outside Your Comfort Zone

March 2, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

A sudden sound jars me awake. What is that? Oh, yeah. The alarm is beeping. Where is that remote for the alarm clock? There it is! Button pressed. Ah! Ten more minutes. I snuggle down under my comforter and head back to sleep. But what about getting up to write? What about my time with God? It is so cozy under my comforter, the soft warmth lulling sleepiness. I don’t want to get up! Through the morning brain fog I begin to hear a deeper, more subtle sound from within me. “Come on. It’s time to get up. We have some things to do together.” My feet are on the floor. I quickly find my slippers and pull on my bathrobe against the chill air. I’m up. Time for a warm cup of coffee and some time time doing what I know God wants from me.

Comfort. There’s a lucious word! It sounds so good. Hot cocoa and a warm blanket. Grandma’s chicken soup. A hot cup of tea on a cold day. Lunch with a good friend. A snowy evening at home watching a movie with the family. None of those things are wrong or bad. But let’s consider a different kind of comfort: I stay in a job that is less than satisfying, but easy to do or at least fits with my plans. I keep to a ministry position I’ve done for years, but is below my potential. I stay within my circle of friends and don’t reach out to anyone new. I ignore the nagging sense that God is calling me to more than who I am and what I am doing.

If I choose being comfortable over pursuing God’s purpose for me, then it doesn’t matter how good I might feel.

When You Don’t Know What To Do, Know Who You Are Doing It For

February 23, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

Peer pressure. I think peer pressure is at it’s worst in middle school. I not only lived through that labyrinth myself, I observed it for ten years as an employee of a public middle school. I attended middle school in the late 1970’s, a time af great social change and national insecurity. But middle school was still middle school.

One outgrowth of that period in history was a move toward a more casual society. Whereas, previous generations dressed up to go to school, my generation was wearing jeans. (When I worked in the middle school the slide continued and some kids even wore pajamas!) My mom, as a member of the previous generation, was resolute for a long time that I would not be allowed to wear jeans to school. I not only had to wear skirts, but knee socks with skirts! I was already a shy and awkward girl who loved reading and actually liked school. This put me in the lowest social strata, but dressing like an old lady sunk my social standing even further. All I wanted was to fit in and maybe even be accepted by at lease one cool kid, or even gain a notice from the cutest, coolest boy in homeroom. I pleaded with my mom and, eventually, I was allowed to wear jeans. My relaxed wardrobe didn’t garner any cool-kid friends, but at least I could blend in with the crowd and was less of a target for ridicule. My pressure to be a “peer” was reduced and my need for acceptance was quieted, temporarily.

When You Don’t Know What To Do, Know Who You Want to Be

February 16, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

When I think about who I wanted to be, I can’t not write about Sharon. It didn’t take long after I became a Jesus-follower for me to decide who I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be like Sharon. Sharon was my friend’s mother, my pastor’s wife and my mentor. She didn’t know she was my mentor, but mentors aren’t always people you get together with and ask questions of. Sometimes they are simply the people you look up to who show you who you want to be. I wanted to be like Sharon. She was a loving, passionate woman of God. She knew the Scriptures and taught them well. She encouraged and inspired other women to live whole-heartedly for God. She was gracious and had a warm smile added to her gentle Southern drawl that made people feel comfortable and welcomed.

I wanted to be like Sharon so I began to model my behavior after her, or at least I thought I did.

When You Don’t Know What To Do, Know Where To Go

February 9, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

Fog. It’s inevitable and unavoidable. The only way to avoid traveling through fog is to suspend your journey, but sometimes you really have no choice. You just have to go through it. Right? In order to get to our home town we have to drive over a mountain. Sometimes simply following the road up will lead you right into fog. There’s nothing you can do about it. There is no other way to go, no way to avoid the mountain, no way to avoid the fog. One of our mountain roads is curvy and lined with woods. Even on clear days nighttime driving over that mountain can be eerie, but in the fog any familiar landmarks are completely obscured. I can’t tell where I am and am unsure that I am headed in the right direction. Our other mountain road is highway up and down a steep incline. In clear weather you can see for miles, but in fog, nothing. It doesn’t even seem like the same road. All I can do is trust what I know and keep going until the fog lifts or until road signs confirm that I have arrived at my destination.

Dear friend, your life may seem a bit foggy right now. Like fog on the road, disillusion and disappointment may be clouding your vision. Things haven’t worked out the way you planned or the way you expected. People you love have hurt you with their words, attitudes and choices. The landmark events you were looking toward are no longer visible. How do you keep going? How do you recalibrate your life to keep moving forward through this fog? How do you know what to do next?

Change Your Perspective. Change Your Life.

February 1, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What’s the biggest transition you have ever gone through? Have you ever traced the threads that lead to the beginning of that shift? If you follow the chain backwards there is no doubt that you will find every change starts with a decision. But along the path there are other decisions that need to be made and those choices shape your experience.

Pat Zahradnik was one of the friendliest people you would ever want to meet. When she went into the bank, she was on a first-name basis with the tellers. She had a quick smile, a friendly wave and a warm greeting for the people in her circle of acquaintance. When it came time to move her out of her apartment in Fishkill, NY the ladies in the office cried to say good-bye because they loved her so much. She was more than just a tenant to them. She had become a friend. I can understand that. She was my mother-in-law and I miss her every day.

Moving Mom out of her apartment was a really big job. The transition began with the decision that taking care of her small home and finances had become too much for her so we had moved her into an independent living home. We moved her with what she needed and then we tackled everything that was left in the apartment. Tom’s siblings lived out of town and out of state and, although they were all supportive of the decision, they were unable to help, which left the two of us with a bigger job than we were up for.

Be The Best You

January 26, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

My mother says that she could hear me practicing words in my crib before I ever said them. Can you imagine?! Even as a toddler I had a desire to do my best. There has always been something in me that desired excellence. That sounds admirable at first, but there is a catch. I have never handled my own mistakes very well. I have often been overwhelmed and mired in perfectionism. Anything less than perfect has seemed like failure. Does that describe you? Are you somewhere between longing for excellence and falling short of perfection feeling like a failure? Maybe you have even given up trying to strive for excellence because you can’t be perfect. I get it! I always want to be better than I am. I want to be the best version of myself. Better inside. Better outside. But, I often feel unable to attain that. I know that I fall far short of being the best me.

it can be hard to accept our own inability to do our best at any given time.When I was in high school, I was a drama kid. The school theater was my home away from home. I spent half my time in high school in rehearsals for one play or another. But I remember a particular rehearsal for the musical Guys and Dollswhen I wasn’t feeling well and was unable to give a song my “best”. I mean the best that I could give at that moment was less than performance level. My voice was hoarse and I really couldn’t sing because of a cold. This was unacceptable to me and I fell to pieces right there on the rehearsal stage. My real trouble: I couldn’t do it perfectly. My pride required perfection and I could not accept my own human weakness at that moment. The “best” I was able to give wasn’t good enough. I could not discern the difference between a desire for excellence and the need for perfection. Good enough was simply never good enough.

So, how did I begin to break free of perfectionism and start learning what was really my “best”?

You Never Know What’s Around the Bend

January 19, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

Things hadn’t gone as I had hoped or expected. I was disappointed and discouraged. I was not really willing to admit that I was downright mad at God and that was blocking my relationship with Him. My spiritual walk was stagnated. I was becoming a bitter person full of self-pity because my dreams had not come true the way that I had hoped.

I was on a women’s retreat with my church when I felt led to take a walk in the woods. I felt as if the Holy Spirit was saying, “Take this path.” So I did. The path led up a hill and as the way became steeper I stooped to choose a walking stick for some leverage. The sun was peeking through the trees. There was a light breeze. Leaves crunched under my feet while I could smell the warm spring earth. I was very aware of my surroundings and attentively listening for the whispering of the Spirit. As I crept up the arduous hill I kept my eyes toward the top. I was anxious to be off this incline! A few steps away from the crest of the hill I felt the Spirit whisper,”Stop here.” It didn’t seem to make sense when I was almost to the top, but I did.

Who Is That In The Mirror?

January 12, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What do you do when you find yourself in a place that you never wanted to be? What do you do when your choices have led you into a cavern of darkness? Maybe you find yourself far away from God or from the relationship you once had with Him. Perhaps your family relationships are damaged. When you step back and take a look at yourself in the mirror you wonder who that person is looking back at you. “How did I get here?” You hate who you’ve become, but you feel trapped.

“Can I really change the way I have been thinking, feeling and acting?”

“Will those I have hurt along this path forgive me and accept me back into their lives?”

“Will God really forgive me? Will He really help me?”

“How do I get out of this?”

If that is you, then please know that you are not alone. Many have felt that sense of despondency at who they have become and feel like their past has eaten up their future. Through our association with the Hoving Home in Garrison, New York, I have witnessed the transformation of women whose stories are unbelievably sad, even tawdry. Many have done things to maintain their drug or alcohol habits that you and I might blush to speak of. But when the Hoving Home choir travels to different venues, the main purpose is not to sing, but to share their testimonies of transformation.

New Year, New...You?

January 5, 2019 Cathleen Zahradnik

What is it about the turning of a calendar page that makes us all think that it’s time to turn over a new leaf? Gym memberships are sold. Resolutions are written. Calendars are filled with plans. “This year will be different. This year I’ll finally...” lose that weight, finish that project, get that new job, improve that relationship, get that new...whatever. What is it about a new year that makes us believe, not only that we should change, but that we can change? A new year seems to fill us with hope that the change that didn’t happen last year can happen this year. Why are we all looking for a change? Because we really do need it.

We are all innately aware that something within us is not as it should be. You know what I mean. Even when life is at its most right, our internal sensors are looking for more. When we slow down enough to be honest with ourselves, there is a question that is always hanging in the air. A sense that something is missing. Because there is. We were created for perfection and no matter how wonderful life is at any given moment, we never achieve the perfection that will satisfy us completely. Why is that? The perfection we were made for will only take place when we live in the presence of our Creator forever with no earthly hindrances. We were created for heaven, and even the best life here will not resolve that longing. Since most of us travel through life completely unaware of this truth and, yet, are aware of the lack, we attempt a variety of ways to fix it. We make resolutions and plans to change.